D-ohh!

( screams )

( tires screeching )

Ow! My brain!

Welcome to Career Day.

Here to tell you about his job is Bart's friend's dad,

Kirk Van Houten.

How many of you children have gone out to your car

and found a flyer on the windshield?

Are you the guy that puts them there?

No. I-I'm his assistant.

But one time he was sick and he let me do it.

I totally screwed it up.

Ah, um, that-that's it.

I see.

Well, we, uh, still have 56 minutes left.

Any questions?

( coughs)

Do you know Mom's getting remarried?

What?

But she... I...

Um, I think we should probably talk about that later, son.

No, you might as well talk about it now.

That was one lousy Career Day.

If we can't get better speakers

we'll have to go back to teaching.

And I can't stare at those lifeless fish eyes anymore.

As head of the Student Activities Committee

I have an idea.

I was wondering what she was doing here.

The speakers are poor

because we're letting just anybody do it.

Groundskeeper Willie

Groundskeeper Willie's enemy Seamus.

( sighs): Yes, Seamus.

90 minutes of watching a man drink in a bathtub.

( sighs)

Well, I think we should try

the Springfield Speaker's Bureau.

Good idea.

Seamus, uh, we won't need you to speak anymore.

What?!

Oh, this is your doing, Willie.

I'll turn your groin to pudding.

Oh, you speak like a poet, but you punch like one, too.

( grunting)

Ooh! Ooh, ya bastard!

Wow.

Walter Mondale, Marvin Hamlisch...

Mark Fuhrman...

( gasps): The former President of Procter and Gamble?

We have a special this month:

Mr. Blackwell debates Mr. T.

Oh, please.

I've seen nicer chains on a set of snow tires.

I pity the fool who derives self-esteem

from mocking other people's clothes.

I hate myself.

Ooh, here's a wonderful speaker.

Geoff Jenkins. Who?

He created a cartoon called Danger Dog.

It's popular with kids and adults.

Yes, fine. He'll do.

Anything to end this unstructured conversation.

And in a gutless act of political correctness

Pizza Day will now be known as

Italian American Sauce Bread Day.

( Italian accent): Ah, now that's-a sensitivity.

Right, Giuseppe?

( screeches)

Giuseppe is such a happy monkey.

And now today's guest speaker

the creator of Danger Dog, Geoff Jenkins.

( applause)

Geoff! Geoff! Geoff!

Thanks, kids.

Next month we'll be airing the Danger Dog Easter Special.

Would anyone like to see a sneak preview?

( cheering)

( theme music plays)

Danger Dog, Neuterville needs you.

I hope this is important.

I've got a hot date tonight.

With Sarah Jessica Barker.

Nice.

Anyway, your arch enemy, Molly Ringworm

has threatened to destroy the city with her puke ray.

( yowls)

The Mayor's barf is worse than his bite.

Ah, le mot juste.

( laughing)

( chuckles): If you freeze the frame

you can see that the chunks of barf are actually pictures

of our animators and their friends.

Are there any questions?

Here. Right here.

Hello. Yes, you.

What state does Danger Dog live in?

Michigan.

Next.

Why does Danger Dog mean more to me

than school or church?

Because those things suck.

( cheering)

Uh... w... uh, I have a question, Mr. Jenkins.

Could you tell us about all the hard work

and buckling down that you put into every cartoon?

Are you kidding?

This is the easiest job in the world.

I spend most of my time eating candy

and going to R-rated movies.

Wow. Cool.

Great.

( stammering)

Well then, eh, tell the children

how hard you studied in school

to get where you are today.

Studied?

Kids, all I ever did was sit in class and doodle.

Like this one--

it's what your principal would look like as a woman.

( laughter) Haw, haw!

( laughter continues)

( alarm sounding)

Fire, children-- hurry outside!

There's no time to let today's lecture sink in.

Why'd you do that?

I won't stand by while you're glamorizing sass.

Now, those youngsters will throw their lives away

drawing things that never were.

I'm coming up with my own cartoon character.

He's called Danger Cat.

Mine's called Trouble Dog.

I'm called Ralph.

Mine is Danger Dude.

But he's a dog.

BART ( chuckling): Oh, yeah.

Well, I'm my own toughest critic, but I think it's genius.

Now to sell it for millions.

This comic strip is lame and derivative.

I'll be the judge of that.

Oh, r...

Stan Lee.

Creator of Marvel Comics?

Greetings, true believers.

Oh!

Ooh, my heart is pounding like Thor's hammer

on Dr. Doom's titanium-infused faceplate.

Hey, aren't you the guy

who was stalking Lynda Carter?

The term is "courting."

The restraining order says "no, no"

but her eyes say "yes, yes."

Let's see what you've got, son.

My Spidey sense is tingling.

It's that good?

Whoa, did I say "Spidey"? I meant "Stinky."

Enough said.

What did I do wrong?

Oh, I don't know, try everything.

Now hold on, Comic Book Guy.

This boy's still finding his voice.

So you're saying I should keep trying?

Absolutely.

And if you fail

you can always open a comic book store.

Stan Lee insulted me.

But in Bizarro World, that means he likes me.

I just need one great idea.

( squeaking)

Batman!

Oh, it's been done.

Green Lantern!

Nah...

I like "Little Dot." Could you rip that off?

I mean, who's going to know?

I'd know, Mom.

Mm, that little girl sure loved dots.

Hmm, all I need is one classic character.

( grunts)

Stupid lawn chair!

Come on!

Unfold you!

Ow!

( laughing) D-ohh!

( gasps)

Hey...

This'll teach that stupid chair.

( screams): I'm on fire!

( screaming)

Oh, I hope no one's drawing this.

Hey, always drawing your old man, huh?

You must think I'm the greatest dad in the world.

( gasps)

D-ohh!

Lousy minor setback!

This world sucks!

MAN: Don't you hate carpet stores that charge extra

for the underpadding?

I hate them so much!

( laughs)

ANNOUNCER: Tonight, When Dinosaurs Get Drunk...

Hmm...

( growls)

( chuckling)

Oh!

( laughs)

Oh, I've been there, man.

...has been canceled.

Huh?

Instead, we bring you The Boring World of Niels Bohr.

( shrieks)

My ice cream sandwich!

Then where the hell's the remote?!

Why do people keep moving it?! Stupid...!

Oh, this is perfect.

A couple of stink lines around his butt and I'm done.

Angry Dad rocks!

( mimics guitar playing)

"Argh, I'm angry."

That's like something my dads would say.

Simpson, you created a timeless comic character.

Thanks, guys.

Will you sign Martin's cast?

What cast?

( groans)

I won't be swimming this summer. Ow.

Bart, this is just dad.

It's a composite character: your dad, my dad

a little of Maggie's dad.

No, it's just Dad.

Maybe Angry Dad needs a sidekick:

"Know-It-All Sister."

Can she have a pony?

And the last line in the scene?

( giggles)

Hmm, your penciling is sub-Ziggy

and the main character is off model in every frame.

However, I deem this rack-worthy.

Wow, I made it.

My week-long dream has come true.

Hold it, son.

Wouldn't you rather have an exciting action figure?

Ah, but only Batman fits in my Batmobile.

Are you nuts?

The Thing fits in there perfectly.

( grunting)

Look, he's fitting right now.

( grunting)

Stan Lee came back?

Stan Lee never left.

And I'm starting to think

that his mind is no longer in mint condition.

( sobbing)

You broke my Batmobile.

Broke? Or made it better?

( humming theme from old Spiderman cartoon)

Now I can't stand in line anymore.

Bart Simpson, creative genius?

What's it to you?

I'm from the Internet.

We'd like to turn Angry Dad into an animated series.

Wow! Angry Dad, an Internet cartoon.

I'll be in cyberspace, next to the Nabisco cookie Web site!

Hey, soul patch, you cut the line!

Waah! Ooh!

Here's my card.

( bell dings)

Whoa!

BART: This is people working?

This is great.

Hey, Bart.

Care for a children's cappuccino?

What up, man?

This is my manager/sister, Lisa.

What up?

Everyone here loves Angry Dad.

It's just what we've been looking for.

So, what do you want to do with it?

Bart, I'm not a woman and I can't have babies

but I can give life

to animated Internet cartoons.

Let me show you one of our hottest shows

Bin Laden In a Blender.

( ululating)

( screaming)

Well, it delivers what it promises.

Now, Bart, we can't pay you salary

but we can give you stock.

How's your company going to make money?

Do you have a business model?