( bell ringing)

( whistle blows)

( playing the blues)

( honking horn)

D-ohh!

( screams)

( tires screeching)

ANNOUNCER: Are you sick of ordinary-shaped amusement parks?

Am I ever.

Then be the first family on your block

to visit Blockoland--

the amusement park made entirely of Blocko brand

assembly fun blocks.

So, how much did you love Blockoland?

It was all right, I guess.

Kids...

how would you like

to go to... Blockoland?

BOTH: Meh.

But the TV gave me the impression that...

We said, "meh."

M-E-H. Meh.

Well, I'd like to go.

How about you, Maggie?

Oh. Aw.

( chuckling)

( engine starting)

Maggie, no!

Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

We're here.

Howdy, partner.

Four score and seven blocks ago, my-- Aah!

Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.

Whee!

Okay, we have our choice of Rectangle Land

Cube Country, or Squaresville.

Squaresville sounds pretty cool.

( chuckling)

I am a robot.

Do what I say.

( chuckling)

I am a washing machine.

Do what I say.

( chuckling)

Take that! In the face!

( grunting)

You knocked his block off.

Come with me.

Check it out.

I built myself a healthy apple.

But you made it out of ham cubes.

Yep, a shiny new apple.

I get it.

Everything's made of blocks.

Even the water.

Ow.

Hey, Boat 28, stop splashing.

What are you going to do about it?

Uh-oh.

( sputtering)

( coughing)

Ah! Leeches.

( screaming)

Ow! Why did I get this Lego shirt?

Don't you mean Blocko shirt?

Right, right-- Blockoshirt.

Lisa, how's your Eiffel Tower kit?

It's okay, but it's missing a piece.

Welcome to real life, Lisa.

You can't fight City Hall-- a.k.a. Blockoland--

so don't even try.

What kind of a thing is that to tell your children?

It's what I always tell them.

I told them that twice yesterday.

And then again as they were going to sleep.

I'm sure the gift shop will replace the missing piece.

You're right, honey.

Hear that, kids?

The Simpsons are going to Blockoland.

( all cheering)

Excuse me.

You sold my little girl a shoddy Eiffel Tower.

Hey, tough luck, pal.

You can't fight the souvenir industry.

We're too powerful.

Yeah, you're right.

But before I go

I'm going to give you a little souvenir of my own.

( grunting)

Aw, what the hey.

Here you go.

Thank you, Dad.

Hey, any friend of Marge is a friend of mine.

So, how's that new block I got you?

Great.

Ah.

You know, standing up for the little guy felt good.

I'm going to do it more often.

( grunting)

( tires screeching, engine revving)

Scram!

Those bullies are gone now.

You idiot.

They were beating out my shirt fire.

My heart was in the right place, jerk.

Thanks again, Dad.

Well, you're welcome, honey.

Now I'm going to spend the whole day

helping shmoes with their problems.

Got a problem, Bart?

A girl at school won't go to the dance with me.

♪ Bart's got a girlfriend. ♪

No, I don't-- that's the problem.

♪ Bart's got a problem. ♪

Don't worry, son.

I'll handle this.

Come on.

Why won't you go out with Bart?

He's a smelly, ugly dork.

Please. Ugly is such a smelly word.

Who would you rather go out with?

Tommy.

Well, duh.

He's breathtaking

but Bart has inner beauty

like you'd find in a rodent.

And face it, you're no prize, either.

You wear braces, you dress like a kid

and you're not getting any younger.

Take what you can get.

He's right.

Grab something, and don't let go.

Well, Bart's not so bad.

Uh, they wouldn't honor my coupon for two free streaks.

They wouldn't?

Well, I'll go to bat for you, honey.

Yes, may I help you?

Nice place you got here.

Oh, look, a hair net.

Be a shame if it was hurled to the ground.

( grunts)

Oh, how clumsy of me.

And...

Oops.

Why are you doing these things?

Either you honor my wife's coupon

or a lot more lids will be unscrewed.

But I cannot streak that much hair.

Think of the cost.

I'd be ruined.

Oh, really.

Boy, you weren't kidding.

Your profit margins are razor-thin.

You see? This is what I'm...

Wait a minute.

$400 a month for loafer lightener?

But we must have it.

It is the lifeblood of the industry.

You get the same results with a mincing gel.

But of course!

I will save thousands. Thank you.

Oh, Homie, I love them.

I can't thank you enough.

The satisfaction of helping another human being

is all the thanks I et cetera.

And I gave that man directions

even though I didn't know the way

'cause that's the kind of guy I am this week.

Ah, lousy Isotopes.

They're a disgrace to baseball.

They lost again?

Mm-hmm.

The team's been terrible since they got bought

by that cheap, heartless Duff Corporation.

Hey, Moe, give me a Duff.

Oh, yeah, sweet Duff.

What a minute.

Duff owns the Springfield Isotopes?

Since when?

They bought them a year ago from the Mafia.

It was the last of the family-owned teams.

I tried to return my season ticket

but they wouldn't give me my money back.

They said they wanted it.

Say no more.

I'll help you, Lenny.

You want to help me?

Oh, haven't you heard?

He's the new Homer.

He's wonderful.

I'm trying to get a refund for this ticket.

Is this the executive office of the ball club?

Nope. This is the equipment shed.

Oh. Well, is that it?

That's where we keep the water heater.

Is...

That's a tractor.

I see.

Sir, we can't give your friend

a refund just because the team is losing.

I'm sorry to hear that.

Spin that back to where it was.

Yes, sir.

This meeting is over.

Okay.

So, uh, you want to go get something to eat?

No, I don't.

Get out of here.

No, no, not that door.

( gasps)

"Albuquerque Isotopes?"

What is all this stuff?

It's not anything.

It has no purpose.

What a crazy room.

There's no Albuquerque Isotopes.

It's the Springfield... Oh.

No, no, there's no "oh."

You're moving the team to Albuquerque, aren't you?

No, no, we would never abandon

our loyal Springfield fans.

By the way, all this barging into rooms marked "Private"

must have made you thirsty.

Would you like a beer?

Well, okay.

But you can't silence Homer Simpson.

I'm the friend of the downtrodden

and I'm not going to forget what I saw here today.

Of course not.

( buzzing)

Duffman, could you bring in two bottles

of smooth, untainted Duff?

DUFFMAN: Oh, yeah!

Now, Homer, we've developed this additive

that makes beer super, super malty.

Care to try it?

Wait a minute.

Will this erase my memory?

No, not at all.

Man, that is malty.

But he'll never know.

( evil laughter)

Good grief.

( whining): Ow, my head!

How long have I been out here?

All night. You were yelling at the swing.

I was?

But I love the swing.

Dad, you were nuts.

You know me, occasionally I'll be quirky.

I'll-be-quirky...

Albuquerque!

I'll be right back.

Members of the media

thank you for coming.

The proof that the Isotopes are moving to Albuquerque

is right behind this door.

MAN: Excuse me.

Joel Duffman, the Newsly Times.

What's with the smear campaign

against this beloved brewer?

And weren't you once in a loony bin?

Oh, yeah!

He's right, folks.

The only story here is the rich, smooth taste of Duff.

Yes, that is an important story.

But so is this!

♪ Wa-wa. ♪

Well, I think I know tomorrow's headline:

"Local Man Is Liar."

That is a good headline.

BROCKMAN: So let me get this straight, Mr. Duff--

the Isotopes are not moving to Albuquerque?

Absolutely not.

So, are you calling Homer Simpson a liar?

Well, we have obtained this footage of him

with his pants on fire.

Well, Homie, I believe you're telling the truth

about the Isotopes.

I don't mind being called a liar

when I'm lying, or about to lie

or just finished lying.

But not when I'm telling the truth!

Yeah, but what can you do?

There's all kinds of ways to get the public on your side.

Bob Dylan wrote songs.

Cesar Chavez staged hunger strikes.

That's it.

I'll go on a hunger strike.

Oh, Homie, you couldn't keep up a hunger strike.

You eat while you brush your teeth.

You're eating a huge sausage right now.

So?

I can stop.

And I will stop.

I am on a hunger strike starting right... now.

( whimpering)

Mmm! Mmm!

( sucking noises)

Let's see those double-A baseball honchos ignore this.

You're really not going to eat anything?

My hunger strike will not end

until Duff admits they're moving the team.

Bart, my chains.

Now it begins.

Dad, I'm so proud of you.

If you need some inspiration

here's a book of Mike Farrell's core beliefs.

( mumbling)

Man, he really hates Wayne Rogers.

Goodbye, Homie.

Here's Dr. Hibbert's number if you feel weak.

Don't worry, Duff's not going to let me waste away to nothing.

Uh, Dad...

D-ohh...

What a great ball game. Thanks, Weekend Dad.

Stop calling me that.

Hey, kid and man! Don't support a team run by liars.

Liars?

They're secretly planning

to move to Albuquerque.

That's crazy!

It would've been on a talk radio show

like Sports Chat or Sportszilla and the Jabber Jocks.

Yeah!

Why you little... ( yells)

Oh, so hungry...

Can't give up...

must continue fighting evil corporation...

Oh, Seymour, you shouldn't have!

It's going to go straight to my thighs.

Well, Edna, it just might have some company.

Oh... Seymour!

( startled grunt)

Nice try, God.

But Homer Simpson doesn't give in

to temptation that easily... hey!

( slurping)

Stop that!

( gulping and slurping)

( sighs)

There's still more meatloaf.

Oh, that's impossible.

Come on, come on, we all have to pitch in

and eat your father's share.

Uh, why don't you just cook less?

I don't do things that way, Lisa.

♪ Dancing away my hunger pangs ♪

♪ Moving my feet so my stomach won't hurt ♪

♪ I'm kind of like Jesus ♪

♪ But not in a sacrilegious way ♪

Jeez, Homer's losing it already.

Yeah, but his weary shuffling

makes my heart smile.

( moans)

I'm so hungry.

( rumbling)

His tummy sounds angry, Daddy.

Yeah, that's his stomach eating itself.

It's such a beautiful day.

Where are the crowds?

Duffman is thrusting

in the direction of the problem.

Hmm, people seem to be drawn to that kook.

Maybe we can exploit him.

It's too dangerous, sir.

He knows about Albuquerque.