( bell ringing)

( whistle blows)

( playing the blues)

( honking horn)

D-Ohh!

( screaming)

( tires screeching)

( cheering)

( grunts) D-Ohh!

♪ Happy First "A" ♪

♪ Bart Simpson ♪

♪ Happy First "A" ♪

♪ To you! ♪

Oh, yes!

Thank you, thank you.

Now that our son is an honor student

I'm going to get one of those bumper stickers

that informs strangers of that fact.

Just a cotton- picking minute!

I've been getting As since Gymboree.

What do you want, a medal?

You gave Bart one.

( whispering): We love you.

An "A" in Astronomy!

How'd you do it?

I just buckled down and studied.

( laughs)

No, really.

Well

it all started last week in Krabappel's class.

I was trying to breed the hamster with the lizard

to create an unholy super-creature

when I saw an even worse crime against nature!

( both moaning)

Ah, head lice inspection day.

While the kids are out getting their nits picked

we can have our own private cootie call.

Oh, you talk too much.

Let's do it on Martin's desk.

It is usually the cleanest.

( both grunt)

Krabappel: Ooh!

Oh!

I needed to get my mind on something else.

Anything else.

And for the first time in my life

education was the answer.

( moaning)

Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars...

Come on, Edna, don't be tardy!

Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars...

Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune...

Pluto.

So when I took the test

the answers were stuck in my brain.

It was like a whole different kind of cheating!

Well, we couldn't be prouder.

Excuse me, sir.

Your credit card has been rejected.

Deadbeat. Deadbeat. Deadbeat.

Oh, how embarrassing.

Well, let me just give you one

of my many other valid...

Ah! Run! Run!

♪ They're getting away ♪

♪ Stop them, Mary Kay ♪

( gasps)

Okay, so we can't pay for your precious food.

What are you going to do about it?

♪ Baila bamba, baila bamba. ♪

( plays chord flourish)

( groans)

Can we go now?

No, no, your playing, while technically proficient

lacks passion.

Fine, you want passion? I'll give you passion.

( deep, sultry voice): ♪ Blue Spanish eyes ♪

♪ Teardrops are falling from your Spanish eyes ♪

When did this happen?

When did we become the bottom rung of society?

I think it was when

that cold snap killed off all the hoboes.

Dad, what happened to the back seat?

I had to sell it for gas money...

( engine stops)

Which I spent on a novelty horn.

( horn plays "Charge!")

Maybe we should talk to a financial planner.

Financial panther, eh?

Mr. Simpson, you're a dollar overdrawn.

Get him, Sheba!

( growling)

Ow, ow!

I'm on board.

Man: You haven't set aside

anything for the future.

Oh, you know how it is with cops.

I'll get shot three days before retirement.

In the business we call it "retirony."

What if you don't get shot?

What a terrible thing to say.

( crying)

Now, look. You made my wife cry.

Well, I see you have several mortgages

credit card debt, no savings

and you're supporting your father?

Just give the word and I'll cut him off.

I couldn't ask you to do that.

Consider it done.

Based on these figures

I'm afraid you'll need to declare bankruptcy...

several times.

Just look at this projection.

( Homer gasps)

Marge, your posture looks terrible.

What's interesting is

you'll continue losing money even after you're dead.

Your grave sites will go untended and vandalized.

Ha, ha!

( coughing)

Mr. Simpson, your intelligence profile indicates

that you're too "stupid" to stick to a budget.

Yes, go on.

So, let me put this simply:

you need more money.

But how do I get it?

( laughs)

I'm a financial planner,

not a financial consultant. Sorry.

Now, I'd like my fee, please.

( grunts)

I know you're not a deaf-mute, Mr. Simpson.

We've been talking for the last 20 minutes.

( yells)

Uh, sir, I have a small personal request.

Oh, of course, Smithers, anything.

I disabled the button, sir.

Anyway, I need some time off.

As you know, I've been writing a musical

about the Malibu Stacy Doll.

A show about a doll?

( laughing)

Why not write a musical about the common cat

or the King of Siam?!

Give it up, Smithers.

Actually, sir, we've been booked

into a small theater in New Mexico.

Whoa, whoa! Slow down there, maestro.

There's a new Mexico?

Yes. I want to go there and make my dream come true.

I'll just be gone for a week.

Oh, fine, I can amuse myself.

Curses, it's jammed!

Ho, ho, ho, hi-larious!

With the old ball and chain gone

maybe I can finally have a little fun at the office.

Ah, a candy shop!

Yes, I'll take two pounds of Bristol's Toffee.

Oh, and don't wrap it too tightly.

I'm hungry now!

You've made a powerful enemy today, my friend.

Ah!

Wow, I've never seen you have so many lunch beers before, Homer.

Uh, yeah, I concur.

Word-a-day calendar.

I'm just trying to work up the courage

to ask Burns for a raise.

Or a highly paid internship.

Something to solve my money woes.

Hmm, this must be some sort of "cafetorium."

Uh, here's your chance, Homer.

Mr. Burns just entered the room.

Hmm...

( grunting)

What is this?

Some kind of force field around these vegetables.

That's the sneeze guard.

You have to lean under it

to get salad or sneeze on stuff.

Ah, everything's so green and alive.

Mmm...

Mr. Burns, I was wondering

if I could get a raise?

What kind of a raise?

Whopping?

I see. You have 30 seconds to wow me.

Well, sir, you see, sir

I've worked here a long time and my wife has a game leg.

And my kids have game things as well.

( scoffs)

I don't want to hear your whining.

I'm a bored and joyless old man. Give me a larf!

A larf?

Okay, let's see what's in the news today.

Oh, for the love of...

Hurl this at that!

At Lenny?

But he's a war hero.

Well, let's decorate him, then.

No!

Not even for four dollars?

Ow! My eye!

I'm not supposed to get pudding in it!

( laughs)

That was capital! My lung is aching.

I liked when I threw the pudding.

Do it again. I'll make it an even eight.

You're the boss.

Ow! I'm in hell!

( laughing)

Let's keep the laughs coming, eh, Simpson?

What say I make you my executive

in charge of recreation.

No, no. Better yet, my prank monkey.

Will you keep giving me money?

I can't have my little monkey

running around in rags.

Woo-hoo!

Hey!

What are you doing, man?

That's Carl!

Let me help you.

There, there.

Mr. Burns: All right, prank monkey, let's make mischief.

98...

99...

100!

Oh, if only the real chicks went down this easy.

Look at that comic book fellow

calmly eating candy like a Spaniard.

Time for monkey to shine.

I'd like to buy a mint condition Spider Man Number One, please.

And I'd like an hour on the holodeck with Seven of Nine.

Saturn's rings!

Let me get that for you.

Paper bag, or triple Mylar?

Uh, no thanks. I'll just eat it here.

Ooh, no! What are you doing?!

Good, fair...

poor!

( crying)

( cackling)

Oh, that was uproarious.

First-rate job, monkey.

Do I get paid now?

Oh, where are my manners?

There!

Ow!

( cackling)

You're so much more fun than Smithers.

Why, he doesn't know the meaning of the word gay!

( romantic piano intro)

♪ Sold separately ♪

♪ Sometimes I feel like ♪