Bart the Mother

Season 10 / Episode 3

0:11 - 0:12

D-OHH!

0:12 - 0:13

( screams )

0:15 - 0:16

( all grunting )

0:16 - 0:17

( Lisa wails )

0:17 - 0:18

( Homer yells )

0:28 - 0:29

MAIL CALL!

0:29 - 0:31

GATHER ROUND, EVERYONE!

0:31 - 0:34

ALL RIGHT, ONE FOR "RESIDENT."

0:34 - 0:35

THAT'S ME!

0:35 - 0:36

WELL, THAT'S IT.

0:36 - 0:37

ONE STINKIN' LETTER?

0:37 - 0:39

WHY'D YOU MAKE US GATHER ROUND LIKE THAT?

0:39 - 0:42

I NEEDED MY POWER FIX. ( sighs )

0:42 - 0:43

Marge: HEY, LISTEN TO THIS.

0:43 - 0:45

"CONGRATULATIONS!

0:45 - 0:47

YOUR CHILD, OR CHILDREN,

0:47 - 0:48

HAVE BEEN SELECTED TO APPEAR

0:48 - 0:52

IN WHO'S WHO AMONG AMERICAN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL STUDENTS.

0:52 - 0:54

( gasps, belches )

0:54 - 0:57

PLEASE SUBMIT THEIR NAMES ALONG WITH $95

0:57 - 0:60

FOR EACH HANDSOME VOLUME YOU WISH TO ORDER."

0:60 - 1:02

OH, I'VE NEVER BEEN SO PROUD!

1:02 - 1:03

( kissing )

1:03 - 1:07

YOU BOTH DESERVE A BIG, BIG REWARD!

1:07 - 1:09

MOM, THEY PUT EVERY KID IN AMERICA IN THAT BOOK

1:09 - 1:11

JUST SO GULLIBLE PARENTS WILL BUY IT.

1:11 - 1:13

IT'S ALL A BIG SCAM.

1:13 - 1:15

( muttering ) SHUT UP.

1:15 - 1:17

ARE YOU SURE?

1:17 - 1:19

I CAN USUALLY SMELL A SCAM FROM TWO TOWNS OVER.

1:19 - 1:21

YEAH, LISE.

1:21 - 1:23

SHE IS A SMART, SOPHISTICATED WOMAN.

1:23 - 1:26

NOW, LET'S HEAR MORE ABOUT THAT BIG, BIG REWARD.

1:26 - 1:28

YEAH, QUIT STALLING, MARGE. WE WANT OUR REWARD.

1:30 - 1:32

ONE REWARD COMING UP!

1:32 - 1:34

( Marge ) TA-DA!

1:34 - 1:35

Lisa: YEA! WAY TO GO!

1:35 - 1:36

Bart: ALL RIGHT!

1:39 - 1:43

( grunts ) MAN, IT FEELS GOOD TO GET OUT OF THAT CAR.

1:43 - 1:45

OOH! GO KARTS! COME ON, EVERYBODY! LET'S GO!

1:50 - 1:52

( laughing ) LOOK AT ME, BART!

1:52 - 1:53

I'M DRIVING!

1:53 - 1:55

WE'RE ALL PROUD OF YOU, DAD.

1:57 - 1:58

MOVE IT, POKEY.

1:58 - 2:01

SLOW AND STEADY WINS THE RACE.

2:05 - 2:09

( humming )

2:09 - 2:12

EASY, EASY. STICK WITH THE PLAN.

2:14 - 2:15

WHOA!

2:15 - 2:18

UH, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT, MAN?

2:18 - 2:20

UH, I THINK SO.

2:20 - 2:22

HOW ABOUT NOW?

2:22 - 2:23

( screams )

2:23 - 2:25

HA-HA!

2:25 - 2:28

THAT WAS NO ACCIDENT. SHAME ON YOU, NELSON.

2:28 - 2:29

CRAM IT, MA'AM.

2:32 - 2:34

STAND BACK AND WATCH THE PRO.

2:34 - 2:36

SHOULDN'T YOU PUT ON A BATTING HELMET?

2:36 - 2:38

NAH. THEY MESS UP MY HAIR.

2:41 - 2:44

( grunts ) OOH! BALL ONE.

2:45 - 2:47

( grunts ) BALL TWO!

2:47 - 2:49

( chuckles ) THIS BOZO'S GONNA WALK ME.

2:51 - 2:53

HEY! YOU'RE GOIN' DOWN, YOU-

2:53 - 2:57

( groaning )

2:57 - 2:59

WHY, YOU-AAH! HEY, YOU- ( grunts )

2:59 - 3:02

YOU BETTER-AAH! I'M GONNA-AAH!

3:02 - 3:03

IF YOU DO- D'OH!

3:03 - 3:05

HANG IN THERE, DAD!

3:05 - 3:07

JUST HALF A BASKET LEFT!

3:08 - 3:11

WOW, YOU SURE GET A LOT OF BALLS FOR A QUARTER.

3:13 - 3:17

HMM.

3:17 - 3:18

( bell ringing )

3:18 - 3:19

Lisa: YES! A MAGGIE-OOP!

3:19 - 3:20

( buzzing )

3:20 - 3:21

MM-HMM.

3:21 - 3:23

HEY, THAT'S CHEATING!

3:23 - 3:25

( humming )

3:25 - 3:26

HMM!

3:28 - 3:32

OKAY, WHAT CAN I GET FOR 12- COUNT 'EM- 12 PRIZE TICKETS?

3:32 - 3:35

TWO THUMBTACKS AND A MUSTACHE COMB.

3:35 - 3:38

OR FIVE RUBBER BANDS AND AN ICE CUBE.

3:38 - 3:41

WHAT CAN I GET FOR 8,000 TICKETS?

3:41 - 3:43

A BB GUN OR AN EASY-BAKE OVEN.

3:43 - 3:46

HMM. HOT FOOD IS TEMPTING.

3:46 - 3:49

BUT I JUST CAN'T SAY NO TO A WEAPON.

3:49 - 3:51

( gasps )

3:52 - 3:55

WHOA! CAN I TRY THAT SOMETIME?

3:55 - 3:59

YEAH, SURE. NEVER HURTS TO HAVE A SECOND SET OF PRINTS ON A GUN.

3:59 - 4:00

WOW, THANKS, NELSON.

4:00 - 4:02

I'LL COME BY YOUR HOUSE LATER!

4:02 - 4:03

OH, NO, YOU WON'T.

4:03 - 4:06

YOU STAY AWAY FROM NELSON MUNTZ.

4:06 - 4:07

BUT, MOM-

4:07 - 4:10

NELSON'S A TROUBLED, LONELY, SAD LITTLE BOY.

4:10 - 4:12

HE NEEDS TO BE ISOLATED FROM EVERYONE.

4:12 - 4:13

BUT, MOM-

4:13 - 4:14

YES?

4:14 - 4:16

THAT'S ALL I GOT.

4:16 - 4:19

SO, WHAT PRIZE DID YOU END UP GETTING?

4:19 - 4:20

MUSTACHE COMB. WHAT'D YOU GET?

4:20 - 4:22

FAKE MUSTACHE.

4:22 - 4:23

WANNA COMB IT?

4:23 - 4:24

( groans ) THIS SUCKS.

4:24 - 4:26

TIME TO PUNCH OUT OF THIS YAWN FACTORY.

4:26 - 4:27

I'M GOING TO NELSON'S.

4:27 - 4:29

BUT MOM SAID NOT TO.

4:29 - 4:30

SHE DOESN'T SCARE ME.

4:30 - 4:32

I DO WHAT I WANT WHEN I WANT.

4:32 - 4:34

OH, GOD! INCHWORMS!

4:35 - 4:38

WON'T YOU GET IN TROUBLE IF YOUR MOM SEES YOU DOING THAT?

4:38 - 4:40

NAH. MY MOM'S GOT BIGGER PROBLEMS.

4:40 - 4:41

SHE DOESN'T GIVE A CRAP WHAT I DO.

4:41 - 4:43

WOW, YOU ARE SO LUCKY.

4:43 - 4:46

COME ON. LET'S LOCK AND LOAD.

4:46 - 4:48

YOU'RE NOT GOING OUT WITHOUT A SCARF, ARE YA?

4:48 - 4:49

NAH, I DON'T NEED ONE.

4:49 - 4:51

HMM. IT'S YOUR HEALTH.

4:53 - 4:55

THINK I CAN HIT THAT BOTTLE?

4:55 - 4:57

YEAH, PROBABLY.

4:57 - 4:58

SHOWS WHAT YOU KNOW.

4:58 - 4:60

HEY, CHECK THIS OUT.

5:05 - 5:07

THAT'S MY DAD'S SHOOTIN' CAR.

5:07 - 5:10

JUST THREE MORE PAYMENTS AND IT'S OURS.

5:10 - 5:12

OH, COOL. CAN I GET A SHOT NOW?

5:12 - 5:13

HANG ON!

5:13 - 5:15

FIRST, HOW ABOUT I TRY AND PEG YOU IN THE STOMACH?

5:15 - 5:17

MMM, NO, THANKS.

5:17 - 5:20

OR WHAT ABOUT YOU PUT ON THESE NERD GLASSES AND I SHOOT 'EM OFF?

5:20 - 5:24

NO WAY! COME ON! QUIT HOGGIN' THE GUN!

5:24 - 5:26

( chirping )

5:26 - 5:28

BET YOU CAN'T HIT THAT BIRD.

5:28 - 5:29

ARE YOU CRAZY?

5:29 - 5:31

I DON'T WANT TO SHOOT A STUPID BIRD.