The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show

Season 8 / Episode 14

0:11 - 0:13

D-OHH!

0:13 - 0:14

( screams )

0:28 - 0:29

( goofy laugh )

0:29 - 0:33

I HOPE YOU ENJOYED MY ONE-MAN PIE FIGHT, KIDS.

0:33 - 0:37

NOW IT'S TIME FOR ANOTHER FANSHMABULOUS EPISODE OF...

0:37 - 0:39

ITCHY & SCRATCHY! ♪ THE ITCHY AND SCRATCHY SHOW! ♪

0:47 - 0:49

( screaming )

0:51 - 0:53

( laughing )

0:58 - 0:60

( sighs )

1:07 - 1:09

( screaming )

1:13 - 1:15

KIDS?

1:15 - 1:16

KIDS?

1:17 - 1:20

YOU'RE MISSING THE ITCHY & SCRATCHY SHOW.

1:20 - 1:21

DON'T YOU LIKE IT ANYMORE?

1:21 - 1:22

SURE. WE LOVE IT.

1:22 - 1:26

BUT HOW CAN WE WATCH TV WHEN IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL OUT?

1:26 - 1:27

WELL, YEAH, MOM.

1:27 - 1:28

I MEAN, WE LOVE YOU AND DAD, TOO

1:28 - 1:31

BUT GOD KNOWS, WE DON'T NEED TO SEE YOU EVERY DAY.

1:31 - 1:33

AN OCCASIONAL HUG IS ALL I ASK.

1:33 - 1:34

MMM...

1:34 - 1:36

MOM! YOU CAN HUG ME WHEN I'M ASLEEP.

1:36 - 1:37

I DO.

1:37 - 1:38

( screams )

1:40 - 1:42

( Krusty groaning )

1:42 - 1:44

HEY, KRUSTY, YOU LOOK GREAT.

1:44 - 1:45

YOU GET YOUR TEETH BLEACHED?

1:45 - 1:48

YEAH, IT'S A NEW KIND OF POLYMER TREATMENT...

1:48 - 1:49

HEY, SHUT UP!

1:49 - 1:51

YOU'RE HERE 'CAUSE YOUR ITCHY & SCRATCHY CARTOONS

1:51 - 1:53

ARE STINKING UP MY RATINGS.

1:53 - 1:55

LOOK AT THIS BREAKDOWN OF YESTERDAY'S SHOW.

1:55 - 1:56

UH... UH...

1:56 - 1:57

EEYAH... KABOOM.

1:57 - 1:58

WHAT HAPPENED HERE?

1:58 - 1:60

LIGHTNING HIT THE TRANSMITTER?

1:60 - 2:01

SEE, THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT AT FIRST...

2:01 - 2:03

HEY, SHUT UP!

2:03 - 2:07

THAT CRATER IS WHERE YOUR LOUSY CARTOON CRASH-LANDED!

2:07 - 2:08

IT'S RATINGS POISON!

2:08 - 2:11

BUT ITCHY & SCRATCHY IS CRITICALLY ACCLAIMED.

2:11 - 2:12

ACCLAIMED?!

2:12 - 2:13

( spits )

2:13 - 2:16

I OUGHT TO REPLACE IT RIGHT NOW WITH A CHINESE CARTOON

2:16 - 2:19

WHERE THE ROBOTS TURN INTO... BLINGWADS!

2:19 - 2:22

BUT I'M A LAZY, LAZY MAN, ROGER.

2:22 - 2:24

SO I'LL GIVE YOU ONE MORE CHANCE.

2:24 - 2:26

NOW, GET OUT!

2:26 - 2:28

DON'T COME BACK TILL YOU'VE FIXED ITCHY & SCRATCHY.

2:28 - 2:31

( crashing glass )

2:31 - 2:34

Woman: OKAY, MEL, YOU CAN GO IN NOW.

2:34 - 2:37

KRUSTY, I'VE COME TO SOLICIT DONATIONS

2:37 - 2:38

FOR THE ROCK 'N ROLL MUSEUM,

2:38 - 2:40

AND... I'LL COME BACK LATER.

2:43 - 2:45

I NEED TO PURCHASE A BRASSIERE.

2:45 - 2:48

YOU KIDS WAIT OVER HERE IN THE CREDIT DEPARTMENT.

2:48 - 2:49

OH, CAN'T WE JUST WANDER AROUND

2:49 - 2:51

AND MEET YOU BACK HERE LATER?

2:51 - 2:54

MMM... OKAY, JUST BE CAREFUL.

2:57 - 2:60

WOULD YOU KIDS LIKE TO COME WITH ME?

2:60 - 3:02

OKAY, I GUESS SO. SOUNDS GOOD TO ME. LET'S GO.

3:03 - 3:06

ALL RIGHT, THANKS FOR PARTICIPATING IN OUR FOCUS GROUP, KIDS.

3:06 - 3:07

TODAY, WE'RE GOING TO SHOW YOU SOME

3:07 - 3:09

ITCHY & SCRATCHY CARTOONS.

3:09 - 3:11

( all cheering )

3:11 - 3:12

COOL!

3:12 - 3:13

WE WANT YOU TO TELL US WHAT YOU THINK

3:13 - 3:15

AND BE HONEST BECAUSE

3:15 - 3:18

NO ONE FROM THE SHOW IS HERE SPYING ON YOU.

3:18 - 3:19

( muffled sneeze )

3:19 - 3:21

WHY IS THAT MIRROR SNEEZING?

3:21 - 3:24

UH, LOOK, IT'S JUST AN OLD, CREAKY MIRROR.

3:24 - 3:25

SOMETIMES IT SOUNDS A LITTLE LIKE IT'S

3:25 - 3:27

SNEEZING OR COUGHING OR TALKING SOFTLY.

3:30 - 3:33

NOW YOU EACH HAVE A KNOB IN FRONT OF YOU.

3:33 - 3:36

WHEN YOU LIKE WHAT YOU SEE, TURN THE KNOB TO THE RIGHT.

3:36 - 3:39

WHEN YOU DON'T LIKE WHAT YOU SEE, TURN IT LEFT.

3:39 - 3:42

MY KNOB TASTES FUNNY.

3:42 - 3:44

PLEASE REFRAIN FROM TASTING THE KNOB.

3:53 - 3:56

( laughter )

4:03 - 4:04

HEY, QUIT IT!

4:04 - 4:07

( laughter )

4:07 - 4:09

THEY LIKE ITCHY. THEY LIKE SCRATCHY.

4:09 - 4:13

ONE KID SEEMS TO LOVE THE SPEEDO MAN.

4:13 - 4:14

WHAT MORE DO THEY WANT?

4:14 - 4:17

HOW MANY OF YOU KIDS WOULD LIKE ITCHY & SCRATCHY

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TO DEAL WITH REAL-LIFE PROBLEMS

4:19 - 4:21

LIKE THE ONES YOU FACE EVERY DAY?

4:21 - 4:22

I WOULD!

4:22 - 4:23

GREAT IDEA! YEAH, THAT'S IT!

4:23 - 4:26

AND WHO WOULD LIKE TO SEE THEM DO JUST THE OPPOSITE--

4:26 - 4:28

GETTING INTO FAR-OUT SITUATIONS

4:28 - 4:30

INVOLVING ROBOTS AND MAGIC POWERS?

4:30 - 4:31

OH, COOL! ME!

4:31 - 4:33

COOL! YEAH, THAT'S I WANT!

4:33 - 4:37

SO, YOU WANT A REALISTIC, DOWN-TO-EARTH SHOW...

4:37 - 4:39

THAT'S COMPLETELY OFF THE WALL

4:39 - 4:40

AND SWARMING WITH MAGIC ROBOTS.

4:40 - 4:42

THAT'S RIGHT. YEAH, GOOD.

4:42 - 4:45

AND ALSO, YOU SHOULD WIN THINGS BY WATCHING.

4:45 - 4:46

( sighs )

4:46 - 4:49

YOU KIDS DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU WANT!

4:49 - 4:51

THAT'S WHY YOU'RE STILL KIDS-- 'CAUSE YOU'RE STUPID!

4:51 - 4:55

JUST TELL ME WHAT'S WRONG WITH THE FREAKIN' SHOW!

4:55 - 4:57

( crying )

4:58 - 4:60

MOMMY!

4:60 - 5:02

UM, EXCUSE ME, SIR.

5:02 - 5:04

THE THING IS, THERE'S NOT REALLY ANYTHING WRONG

5:04 - 5:06

WITH THE ITCHY AND SCRATCHY SHOW.

5:06 - 5:07

IT'S AS GOOD AS EVER.

5:07 - 5:08

BUT AFTER SO MANY YEARS

5:08 - 5:12

THE CHARACTERS JUST CAN'T HAVE THE SAME IMPACT THEY ONCE HAD.

5:12 - 5:14

THAT'S IT.

5:14 - 5:16

THAT'S IT, LITTLE GIRL!

5:16 - 5:18

YOU'VE SAVED ITCHY & SCRATCHY!

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PLEASE SIGN THESE PAPERS

5:19 - 5:21

INDICATING YOU DID NOT SAVE ITCHY & SCRATCHY.

5:21 - 5:23

I HAVE FIGURED OUT

5:23 - 5:25

HOW TO REJUVENATE THE SHOW.

5:25 - 5:27

IT IS SO SIMPLE

5:27 - 5:29

YOU EGGHEAD WRITERS WOULD'VE NEVER THOUGHT OF IT.

5:29 - 5:31

WHAT WE NEED IS...

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A NEW CHARACTER--

5:33 - 5:35

ONE THAT TODAY'S KIDS CAN RELATE TO!

5:37 - 5:39

ARE YOU ABSOLUTELY SURE THAT'S WISE, SIR?

5:39 - 5:41

I DON'T WANT TO SOUND PRETENTIOUS HERE, BUT

5:41 - 5:44

ITCHY & SCRATCHY COMPRISE A DRAMATURGICAL DYAD.

5:44 - 5:45

HEY, THIS AIN'T ART; IT'S BUSINESS!

5:45 - 5:47

WHAT DO YOU GOT IN MIND?

5:47 - 5:49

SEXY BROAD? GANGSTER OCTOPUS?

5:49 - 5:50

NO... NO.

5:50 - 5:52

THE ANIMAL CHAIN OF COMMAND GOES

5:52 - 5:56

MOUSE, CAT, DOG.

5:56 - 5:57

D-O-G.

5:57 - 5:60

UH, A DOG? ISN'T THAT A TAD PREDICTABLE?

5:60 - 6:01

IN YOUR DREAMS.

6:01 - 6:04

WE'RE TALKING THE ORIGINAL DOG FROM HELL.

6:04 - 6:05

YOU MEAN CERBERUS?