Burns, Baby Burns

Season 8 / Episode 4

0:12 - 0:14

D-OHH!

0:14 - 0:15

( screams )

0:40 - 0:43

WHAT A PERFECT OUTING FOR A BEAUTIFUL AUTUMN DAY.

0:43 - 0:45

I FEEL SORRY FOR EVERYONE WHO'S COOPED UP INSIDE

0:45 - 0:48

WATCHING THE SEVENTH GAME OF THE WORLD SERIES.

0:48 - 0:52

( sarcastically) YEAH. THEY WON'T LEARN ANYTHING ABOUT APPLES TODAY.

0:52 - 0:56

...AND THE CIDER MILL OPERATED CONTINUOUSLY UNTIL 1941

0:56 - 0:59

WHEN ITS WORKERS LEFT TO FIGHT IN THE SECOND WORLD WAR.

0:59 - 1:00

WHEN THEY RETURNED,

1:00 - 1:02

THE OLD GIRL WAS JUST AS THEY'D LEFT HER

1:02 - 1:04

ONLY NOW, SHE WAS INFESTED

1:04 - 1:06

WITH THOUSANDS UPON THOUSANDS OF RATS.

1:06 - 1:09

( disgusted murmuring )

1:09 - 1:10

RIGHT.

1:10 - 1:12

AND IF YOU LISTEN REAL CAREFULLY

1:12 - 1:14

YOU CAN STILL HEAR THEM GNAWING AWAY AT THE APPLES

1:14 - 1:16

AND SPLASHING AROUND IN THE TOILETS.

1:16 - 1:19

AND THAT CONCLUDES THIS PORTION OF THE TOUR.

1:19 - 1:21

( coins jingling )

1:21 - 1:23

ONE OF THE MOST HISTORICALLY SIGNIFICANT

1:23 - 1:26

FRUIT PRESSES IN THIS PART OF THE STATE.

1:26 - 1:28

BASED ON GERMAN DESIGN

1:28 - 1:30

BUT MODIFIED FOR LARGER AMERICAN APPLES...

1:30 - 1:33

WELL, IF GOD DIDN'T MAKE LITTLE GREEN APPLES

1:33 - 1:34

IT'S HOMER SIMPSON.

1:34 - 1:35

HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN HERE?

1:35 - 1:38

20 OF THE SUCKIEST MINUTES OF MY LIFE.

1:38 - 1:40

OH, SUCKING DOWN THE CIDER, HUH?

1:40 - 1:43

HEY, WORD TO THE WISE-- SEASON PASS.

1:43 - 1:45

PAYS FOR ITSELF AFTER THE 16th VISIT.

1:45 - 1:47

YOU KNOW, MOST PEOPLE DON'T KNOW THE DIFFERENCE

1:47 - 1:50

BETWEEN APPLE CIDER AND APPLE JUICE, BUT I DO.

1:50 - 1:52

HERE'S A LITTLE TRICK TO HELP YOU REMEMBER.

1:52 - 1:55

IF IT'S CLEAR AND YELLA, YOU'VE GOT JUICE THERE, FELLA.

1:55 - 1:57

IF IT'S TANGY AND BROWN, YOU'RE IN CIDER TOWN.

1:57 - 1:59

NOW, THERE'S TWO EXCEPTIONS, AND IT GETS TRICKY HERE...

1:59 - 2:02

OHH! YOU CAN STAY, BUT I'M LEAVING.

2:02 - 2:05

...CAN BE YELLOW IF THEY'RE USING LATE SEASON APPLES.

2:05 - 2:08

AND, OF COURSE, IN CANADA, THE WHOLE THING'S FLIP-FLOPPED.

2:08 - 2:11

OH MY, I BETTER GET YOU SOME CIDER.

2:12 - 2:14

NEXT TO SPRING AND WINTER

2:14 - 2:17

FALL IS MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITE SEASON.

2:17 - 2:21

JUST LOOK AT ALL THIS BEAUTIFUL FOILAGE.

2:21 - 2:25

IT'S NOT "FOILAGE," MOM. IT'S "FOLIAGE."

2:25 - 2:27

THAT'S WHAT I SAID, FOILAGE.

2:27 - 2:28

IT DOESN'T TAKE

2:28 - 2:32

A NUCULAR SCIENTIST TO PRONOUNCE FOILAGE.

2:32 - 2:34

( exasperated sigh )

2:41 - 2:42

HONESTLY, SMITHERS

2:42 - 2:45

I DON'T KNOW WHY HARVARD EVEN BOTHERS TO SHOW UP.

2:45 - 2:47

THEY BARELY EVEN WON.

2:47 - 2:49

THEIR CHEATING WAS EVEN MORE RAMPANT

2:49 - 2:51

THAN LAST YEAR, SIR.

2:56 - 2:60

WELL, I SAY LET HARVARD HAVE ITS FOOTBALL AND ACADEMICS.

2:60 - 3:03

YALE WILL ALWAYS BE FIRST IN GENTLEMANLY CLUB LIFE.

3:03 - 3:06

WHY, EVERY FRIEND I HAVE, I MADE RIGHT HERE.

3:06 - 3:07

HELLO, BURNSIE.

3:07 - 3:08

IT'S YOUR OLD ROOMIE, DINK.

3:08 - 3:09

( groans )

3:16 - 3:19

STEADY... STEADY...

3:19 - 3:20

( screeching )

3:21 - 3:23

OH-HO! NICELY PLAYED, SIR.

3:23 - 3:24

Man: Attention, passengers.

3:24 - 3:26

The train has been temporarily delayed

3:26 - 3:29

because of a discarded couch on the tracks.

3:31 - 3:34

LOOKS LIKE SOME SORT OF A COUCH.

3:34 - 3:36

THIS MIGHT TAKE A WHILE, SMITHERS.

3:36 - 3:37

WHY DON'T YOU GET DRUNK AND STUMBLE AROUND

3:37 - 3:39

COMICALLY FOR MY AMUSEMENT?

3:39 - 3:40

I'LL BE A ONE-MAN CONGA LINE.

3:47 - 3:48

CUSTOMERS. THANK GOD.

3:48 - 3:50

PAPA NEEDS A NEW PAIR OF EVERYTHING.

3:51 - 3:52

HEY, HOW YOU DOING?

3:52 - 3:54

WELCOME TO SCENIC WAYNESPORT

3:54 - 3:57

AND REMEMBER YOUR VISIT WITH A GOOGLY-EYED WALNUT.

3:57 - 3:59

HOW ABOUT A GOOGLY-EYED ROCK?

3:59 - 4:00

SOME NICE LOCAL SQUASH CANDY?

4:00 - 4:02

A STRETCHED-OUT PEPSI BOTTLE?

4:02 - 4:03

COME ON.

4:03 - 4:05

IF THIS STUFF IS TOO NICE FOR YOU

4:05 - 4:06

I'VE GOT SOME CRAP.

4:06 - 4:09

( humming drunkenly )

4:28 - 4:29

HEY, CASEY JONES

4:29 - 4:31

WHERE'S THIS TRAIN HEADED?

4:31 - 4:32

SPRINGFIELD.

4:32 - 4:33

YEAH, YEAH. WHAT STATE?

4:33 - 4:35

( train whistle blows )

4:39 - 4:40

I CAN HONESTLY SAY