( bell ringing)

( playing the blues)

D-OHH!

( screams)

GO, TOOTHPASTE, GO!

MOVE YOUR PASTY WHITE BUTT.

COME ON, SHAMPOO! YOU CAN DO IT!

YAY! I WON YOUR STUPID

BATHROOM PRODUCTS RACE.

NO FAIR, YOU ONLY WON

'CAUSE YOU HAD THE INSIDE TRACK.

IF THE WATER WAS SPINNING THE OTHER WAY...

IT NEVER SPINS THE OTHER WAY.

IN THE NORTHERN HEMISPHERE

WATER ALWAYS DRAINS COUNTERCLOCKWISE.

IT'S CALLED THE CORIOLIS EFFECT.

NO WAY.

WATER DOESN'T OBEY YOUR RULES.

IT GOES WHERE IT WANTS.

LIKE ME, BABE.

YES, BART.

WHY DON'T YOU TRY IT AND SEE?

I KNOW I'VE SEEN IT GO THE OTHER WAY.

AH...

FAITHFUL TOILET.

YOU'LL PROVE ME RIGHT.

( groaning)

UH. UH.

UH, UH, UH.

♪ I'M A-SINGIN' IN THE SHOW... ♪ OW! OW-OOH!

HOT! YEAH! COLD!

NO! HOT! COLD! HOT!

OH! WHO'S! DOING! THAT?!

UH! UH! UH, UH, UH!

OH, FOR PETE'S SAKE, BART, USE THE PLUNGER!

BART, WATER WILL ONLY GO THE OTHER WAY

IN THE SOUTHERN HEMISPHERE.

WHAT THE HELL IS THE SOUTHERN HEMISPHERE?

HAVEN'T YOU EVER LOOKED AT YOUR GLOBE?

SEE, THE SOUTHERN HEMISPHERE IS MADE UP OF

EVERYTHING BELOW THE EQUA...

THIS LINE.

HMM.

SO DOWN THERE IN, SAY... ARGENTINA,

OR RAND McNALLY,

ALL THEIR WATER RUNS BACKWARDS?

MM-HMM. IN FACT, IN RAND McNALLY

THEY WEAR HATS ON THEIR FEET

AND HAMBURGERS EAT PEOPLE.

COOL.

( phone ringing)

Bart: Hello, Southern Hemisphere?

Which way does the water go in your toilet?

JUST A MINUTE, I'LL CHECK.

AH, NUTS.

PLEASE TO REPEAT AGAIN AND I WILL TRANSLATING

FOR THE EL PRESIDENTE.

Which way does the water turn in your toilet?

DICE QUE EL CURSO ESTA CAMBIANDO.

AY, CARAMBA!

LOS INSURGENTES YA VAN A CAPTURAR LA CAPITAL.

NECESITO HUIR.

AY!

( crashing)

I CAN'T GET A STRAIGHT ANSWER

OUT OF THIS CRAZY HEMISPHERE.

( phone ringing)

EINE MINUTEN, EINE MINUTEN.

ACH! DAS WAGENFONE EST EINE NUISANCEFONE.

BUENAS NOCHES, MEIN FUHRER.

JA, JA.

( ringing)

( screaming)

BART, YOU CAN'T ACTUALLY CALL THESE PLACES.

DON'T YOU KNOW HOW EXPENSIVE

INTERNATIONAL CALLS ARE?

HELLO, OPERATOR.

I'D LIKE TO MAKE A COLLECT CALL TO...

AUSTRALIA.

( phone ringing)

Woman: This is the international operator.

Will you accept a collect call from...

( deep voice): UH, YES, THIS IS DR. BART SIMPSON

OF THE INTERNATIONAL DRAINAGE COMMISSION.

IT'S AN EMERGENCY.

IF IT'S AN EMERGENCY.

WE UNDERSTAND SOME DRAINS IN YOUR AREA

HAVE BEEN MALFUNCTIONING,

SUCKING IN PEOPLE AND WHATNOT.

WILLIKERS. THAT'S AWFUL.

INDEED.

WE NEED YOU TO CHECK YOUR SINKS AND TOILETS

AND TELL US WHICH WAY THE WATER IS GOING.

AND PLEASE-- STAND CLEAR.

( flushing)

( more flushing)

THE FIXTURES...

THEY'RE ALL DRAINING CLOCKWISE, SIR.

OH. SHE WAS RIGHT.

STUPID LISA, SCIENCE QUEEN.

WELL, WHY DON'T YOU JUST CHECK YOUR NEIGHBOR'S DRAINS.

I'LL HOLD.

HEY, BART.

THE BAKERY CAUGHT FIRE

AND ALL OF DOWNTOWN SMELLS LIKE COOKIES.

WANT TO GO SMELL?

YES.

YES, I DO.

Hello. Sir? Sir?

I've returned from the Koolamugery's place.

They're draining clockwise too.

DRAINING?

I DON'T CARE ABOUT THAT ANYMORE.

Are we in any dange..?

BURKINA FASO? DISPUTED ZONE?

WHO CALLED ALL THESE WEIRD PLACES?

QUIET. IT MIGHT BE YOU.

I CAN'T REMEMBER.

NO, I'M GONNA ASK MARGE.

NO, NO. WHY EMBARRASS US BOTH?

JUST WRITE A CHECK AND I'LL RELEASE SOME MORE ENDORPHINS.

( sighs)

900 DOLLAR-ADOOS!?

TOBIAS!

DID YOU ACCEPT

A SIX-HOUR COLLECT CALL FROM THE STATES?

IT WAS AN EMERGENCY CALL

FROM THE INTERNATIONAL DRAINAGE COMMISSION IN SPRINGFIELD.

OH, MY GOD!

THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH THE BIDET, IS THERE?

( phone ringing)

HELLO?

RIGHT, I'M CALLING ALL THE WAY

FROM SQUATTERS CRAG, AUSTRALIA.

AND I WANT TO SPEAK TO... DR. BART SIMPSON RIGHT NOW.

UH... HOLD, PLEASE.

ALL RIGHT, BUT I DON'T...

( deep voice): PAYROLL, BURT STANTON SPEAKING.

OI. I SAID BART SIMPSON.

WHAT KIND OF A COMPANY IS THIS?

( falsetto): BART SIMPSON'S OFFICE.

THANK THE GREAT GOOD LORD.

LOOK, I WAS JUST SAY...

( falsetto): ONE MOMENT PLEASE.

( falsetto humming)

WHO DO THEY THINK I AM?

SOME STUPID AUSSIE DRONGO?

BLEEDIN' YANKS. I OUGHT TO...

( deep voice): THIS IS BART SIMPSON.

CAN I HELP YOU, MA'AM?

YEAH-- HEY! MY NAME IS BRUNO DRUNDRIDGE, RIGHT?

YOU OWE ME $900, MATE.

NO, YOU OWE ME$900.

I... YOU... OHH...

YOU'RE JUST SOME PUNK KID AREN'T YOU?

YOU PICKED THE WRONG GUY TO TANGLE WITH HERE, MATE.

( snickering)

I DON'T THINK SO.

YOU'RE ALL THE WAY IN AUSTRALIA.

HEY, I THINK I HEAR

A DINGO EATING YOUR BABY.

YEAH, WELL... OOH!

OH. AH. THAT'S IT.

I'M GOING TO REPORT THIS TO ME MEMBER OF PARLIAMENT.

HEY! GUS!

I GOT SOMETHING TO REPORT TO YOU.

THAT'S A BLOODY OUTRAGE, IT IS.

I'M GOING TO TAKE THIS ALL THE WAY

TO THE PRIME MINISTER.