[ Chorus ] ♪ THE SIMPSONS ♪

[ Bell Ringing ]

[ Whistle Blowing ]

[ Beeping ]

♪ [ Jazzy Solo ]

[ Tires Screeching ]

D'OH! [ Screams ]

OH! HOW CAN THEY IMPRISON KIDS IN SCHOOL ON A BEAUTIFUL DAY LIKE THIS?

THEY'RE NOT IMPRISONING US, BART. THEY'RE--

PRISON BUS, OTTO? THE REGULAR SCHOOL BUS BROKE DOWN.

SO TAKE A SEAT BEFORE I BLOW YOUR HEADS OFF!

- OTTO! - OH, SORRY.

THIS BUS AND I HAVE SORT OF A SHINING THING GOING ON.

♪ [ Blues Harmonica ]

[ Sighs Deeply ]

AHHH--

[ Sighs ] THIS IS WHAT BEING A KID IS ALL ABOUT.

HEY, HUCK, WHAT'S L-I-N-C-O-N DOING HERE?

I DON'T KNOW. IT'S YOUR FANTASY.

- HI, ABE. - HELLO, BART.

[ All Groaning ] OW! OW!

WELL, CHILDREN, OUR NEW ULTRA-HARD POSTURIFIC CHAIRS HAVE ARRIVED.

THEY'VE BEEN DESIGNED BY EMINENT POSTUROLOGISTS...

TO ELIMINATE SLOUCHING BY THE YEAR 3000.

MRS. KRABAPPEL-- [ Groans ] I'M HAVING BACK SPASMS!

[ Chuckles ] I KNOW THEY SEEM A LITTLE UNCOMFORTABLE RIGHT NOW.

BUT EVENTUALLY YOUR BONES WILL CHANGE SHAPE.

[ Slurred ] I'VE LOST ALL FEELING IN THE LEFT SIDE OF MY BODY.

YEAH. YEAH. NOW, UNFORTUNATELY OUR SCHOOL CLOCKS HAVE BEEN RUNNING FAST ALL SEMESTER,

SO TODAY WE ALL HAVE TO STAY TWO EXTRA HOURS TO MAKE UP FOR THE TIME WE LOST.

- HA! - [ Groaning ]

[ Sighs ]

[ Chittering ]

[ Engine Revving ]

AND TO THINK I GOT ALL THIS AFTER DROPPING OUT OF THE FOURTH GRADE.

[ Laughs ] [ Tires Screech ]

THAT DOES IT. I'M OUTTA HERE.

MRS. KRABAPPEL, I HAVE TO GO TO THE DENTIST.

I HAVE A CARAWAY SEED CAUGHT UNDER MY BRIDGEWORK.

MY MOM'S NUMBER'S THERE IF YOU WANNA CHECK UP ON ME.

THAT'S OKAY, BART. I TRUST YOU.

"PLEASE EXCUSE MY HANDWRITING.

"I BUSTED WHICHEVER HAND IT IS I WRITE WITH.

SIGNED, MRS. SIMPSON."

YOU WERE RIGHT TO BE SUSPICIOUS, EDNA. TO THE CRIME LAB.

HMM. INCONCLUSIVE. [ Scoffs ]

I WISH MORE STUDENTS HAD AGREED TO THESE ELECTRONIC TRACKING IMPLANTS.

WE ONLY HAD ONE VOLUNTEER.

SPILL IT! WHERE'S YOUR BROTHER?

YOU'D BETTER ANSWER HIM, LISA. HE'S A BAD MAN.

- [ Giggling ] - WHAT ARE YOU LAUGHING ABOUT?

YOU STARTED OFF AS THE BAD COP.

AND NOW YOU'RE THE GOOD ONE. YOU AND WILLIE GOT MIXED-UP ABOUT 10 MINUTES AGO.

WE DID NOT! NOW, WHERE'S BART? YOU BETTER TELL ME!

OH! YOU BETTER TELL HIM, LASSIE. I CANNOT CONTROL HIM WHEN HE GETS LIKE THIS.

[ Giggles ] NOW YOU'RE THE GOOD COP.

WHAT?

[ Sighs ]

THE JOYS OF MORTGAGING YOUR FUTURE.

[ Splashing ] HUH?

[ Gasps ] MY FANTASY'S COME TRUE!

HEY, KID. YOU WANNA SEE A DEAD BODY?

[ Screams ]

IF I WERE A TRUANT BOY OUT FOR A GOOD TIME, I'D BE RIGHT HERE--

THE SPRINGFIELD NATURAL HISTORY MUSEUM.

[ Chuckling ] YOU'RE MINE, SIMPSON.

LOOK, IF I WAS UNDER 17, I'D BE IN SCHOOL, RIGHT?

YEAH, I GUESS YOU'RE RIGHT. ENJOY BOOB-A-RAMA,SIR.

WHY, THERE ARE NO CHILDREN HERE AT THE 4-H CLUB EITHER.

AM I SO OUT OF TOUCH?

NO. IT'S THE CHILDREN WHO ARE WRONG.

SOLD TO THE SMALL MAN WITH THE RUNNY NOSE FOR 2.3 MILLION.

- [ Snickers ] - [ Clears Throat ]

OUR NEXT HIGHEST BID, UH,

I BELIEVE WAS YOURS, SIR, FOR 2.1 MILLION.

[ Laughs ]

[ Doors Slam ] YES. WERE THERE ANY SERIOUS BIDS FOR THIS PAINTING?

[ All Murmuring ]

- [ Gasps ] - [ Gasps ]

CAN'T LET DAD SEE ME PLAYING HOOKY!

CAN'T LET THE BOY SEE ME SKIPPIN' WORK.

GOOD AFTERNOON. HOW DO YOU DO, SIR?

[ Both Snicker ]

[ Both ] SUCKER!

[ Gasps ] A SPOOR! HMM--

HIS BRAND OF GUM, DOUBLEMINT.

TRYING TO DOUBLE YOUR FUN, EH, BART?

WELL, I'LL DOUBLE YOUR DETENTION.

[ Chuckles ] I WISH SOMEONE WAS AROUND TO HEAR THAT.

AND SO WE ENTER ENDGAME.

AY, CARAMBA!

[ Panting ]

[ Evil Laugh ]

LET'S SEE HIM TRACK ME NOW.

OH, MY GOD! HE IS LIKE SOME SORT OF...

NON-GIVING UP...

SCHOOL GUY.

[ Grunting ]

[ Whimpers ]

OH, HE'S CLOSE.

I CAN TASTE HIS FEAR.

WHAT THE--

[ Laughs ]

FREDDY, HONEY. I THINK SOMETHING JUST DROPPED INTO THE BACKSEAT.

I'M NOT PAYING YOU TO TALK.

GIMME THE BALL!

PEOPLE, THE PUNCH HAS BEEN SPIKED. [ Laughs ]

[ Laughs ] THAT'S MY NEPHEW,

DISPLAYING THE QUIMBY WIT THAT'S WON THE PUBLIC'S HEART.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, FREDDY. AND MAY ALL YOUR DISGRACES BE, UH, PRIVATE.

- YES. - [ All ] HEAR! HEAR!

AND WHO ARE YOU, LITTLE BOY?

I'M ONE OF YOUR NEPHEWS YOU DON'T SEE VERY OFTEN, UH, BART-BART.

HEY, McBAIN, I'M A BIG FAN, BUT YOUR LAST MOVIE REALLY SUCKED.

I KNOW. THERE WERE SCRIPT PROBLEMS FROM DAY ONE.

YEAH, I'LL SAY. MAGIC TICKET MY ASS, McBAIN.

MARIA, MY MIGHTY HEART IS BREAKING.

I'LL BE IN THE HUMVEE.

[ Chattering ]

HEY, WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?

IT IS A BOWL OF "SHAO-DAIR," SIR.

WAIT A MINUTE. COME HERE. WHAT DID YOU CALL IT?

SAY IT LOUD ENOUGH SO EVERYONE CAN HEAR. COME ON. SAY IT.

[ Clears Throat ] "SHOW-DAIR."

[ Laughing ]

"SHAO-DAIR"? "SHAO-DAIR"?

IT'S "CHOWDAH." SAY IT RIGHT!

- "SHAH-DER." - [ Laughs ]

COME BACK HERE! I'M NOT THROUGH DEMEANING YOU!