[ Chorus ] ♪ THE SIMPSONS ♪

[ Bell Ringing ]

[ Whistle Blowing ]

[ Beeping ]

♪ [ Jazzy Solo ]

[ Tires Screeching ]

D'OH! [ Screams ]

THE BEAUTY OF IT IS EACH PARKING SPACE IS A MERE ONE FOOT NARROWER--

INDISTINGUISHABLE TO THE NAKED EYE, BUT THEREIN LIES THE GAME.

I FEAR TO WATCH, YET I CANNOT TURN AWAY. [ Cars Approaching ]

BLAST IT, WOMAN. YOU PARKED TOO CLOSE. MOVE YOUR CAR!

I'M IN THE LINES. YOU GOT A PROBLEM, GO TELL YOUR MAMA.

OH, DON'T WORRY. SHE'LL HEAR ABOUT THIS.

[ Horns Honking ] [ Man ] I CAN'T GET OUT!

[ Woman ] I'M TRAPPED. [ Man ] I CAN'T BREATHE!

[ Honking Continues ] [ Bart Laughing Sinisterly ]

CLASS, I KNOW THERE'S NO WAY TO PROVE WHO ACTUALLY DID THIS,

AND IN OUR AMERICAN DEMOCRACY, EVERYONE IS INNOCENT UNTIL PROVEN GUILTY.

- GOD BLESS AMERICA. - BUT MY CLASSROOM IS NOT A DEMOCRACY. HA!

FOR THE REST OF THE YEAR, BART SIMPSON WILL BE...

THE FIRST STUDENT CALLED ON FOR EVERY QUESTION.

- [ Gulps ] - WELL, LET'S GET STARTED.

CAN SOMEONE PRONOUNCE THIS WORD?

HMM? BART?

UH-- UM-- HMM?

UH-- [ Grunting ]

MMM-- UH--

OH, PICK ME, TEACHER! I'M EVER SO SMART. UH--

IT'S "PHOTOSYNTHESIS"! DAMN YOUR FEEBLE BRAIN!

OH, I COULDN'T READ IT. THE LETTERS ARE ALL BLURRY.

IS IT POSSIBLE ALL YOUR MISBEHAVIOR AND MISERABLE GRADES...

HAVE BEEN CAUSED BY A SIMPLE VISION DISORDER?

[ British Accent ] YOU MEAN IT AIN'T ME NOGGIN', IT'S ME PEEPERS?

OH, WELL, THAT'S JUST "LOVERLY."

WATCH THIS, GUYS.

OOH!

UH-OH. HE'S DONE FOR. DON'T WORRY.

THE SAFETY GLASS'LL PROTECT US.

[ All Gasp ] [ Alarm Blaring ]

RUN! WE'LL HIDE AT MY HOUSE!

[ All Shouting ]

HEY, THIS EMERGENCY EXIT IS PAINTED ON!

THERE'S NO WAY OUT! THERE'S NO WAY OUT! WE'RE DOOMED! DOOMED!

[ All Groaning ]

WELL, SIR, I WON'T BORE YOU WITH THE DETAILS OF OUR MIRACULOUS ESCAPE,

BUT WE DESPERATELY NEED A REAL EMERGENCY EXIT.

WHY, THAT'S A FABULOUS IDEA. ANYTHING ELSE YOU'D LIKE?

HOW ABOUT REAL LEAD IN THE RADIATION SHIELDS? URINAL CAKES, MAYBE?

SMITHERS, THROW THIS AT HIM.

[ Grunts ]

[ Shouting ]

SMITHERS, WHERE DOES THAT TUBE GO?

I'M NOT SURE, SIR. IT WAS HERE WHEN WE MOVED IN.

♪ [ Exotic ]

[ Shouting Continues ]

[ Men ] DANCE! DANCE! DANCE! DANCE!

[ Men Ululating ]

SIR, WE'LL NEED A NEW DANGEROUS EMISSIONS SUPERVISOR.

YES, WE'LL FIND SOMEONE CHEAP.

IT'S BEEN A VERY LEAN YEAR FOR US.

[ Both ] MONEY FIGHT!

[ Both Laughing ]

MMM. [ Mumbles ]

EXCELLENT, ZUTROY. WORK HARD AND EACH DAY YOU'LL GET A SHINY PENNY.

[ Men Shouting ]

AGENT WESSON, DEPARTMENT OF LABOR.

THIS MAN'S AN ILLEGAL ALIEN. [ Chuckles ]

THAT'S PREPOSTEROUS. ZUTROY HERE IS AS AMERICAN AS APPLE PIE.

[ Foreign Language ] MR. BURNS.

THIS PLANT VIOLATES EVERY LABOR LAW IN THE BOOK.

WE FOUND A MISSING BRAZILIAN SOCCER TEAM WORKING IN YOUR REACTOR CORE.

THAT PLANE CRASHED ON MY PROPERTY!

LOOK, MR. BURNS, WE WANT TO SEE SOME CHANGES.

FOR STARTERS, YOU CAN REVERSE YOUR SEXIST EMPLOYMENT POLICIES AND HIRE AT LEAST ONE WOMAN.

ALL RIGHT. I'LL BRING IN A WOMAN.

BUT I STILL STAND BY MY HIRING POLICIES. [ Quacking ]

GET BACK TO WORK, STEWART!

NOW WITH MY NEW H.M.O., I CAN PROVIDE EVERY MEDICAL SERVICE...

YOU'LL EVER NEED UNDER ONE ROOF.

YOU DO HAVE INSURANCE, DON'T YOU?

YES. WELL, THAT'S WONDERFUL.

[ Chuckling ] LET'S GO VISIT THE OPTOMETRIST.

YOUR SON HAS A TEMPORARY CONDITION CALLED "LAZY EYE,"

WHERE ONE EYE IS WEAKER THAN THE OTHER.

YOU'LL HAVE TO WEAR THESE FOR TWO WEEKS. OH!

MENACHEM BEGIN WORE A PAIR JUST LIKE THEM.

HMM. THAT SCALP'S A LITTLE DRY. BETTER SEE OUR DERMATOLOGIST.

RUB A PALM FULL OF THIS MEDICATED SALVE INTO YOUR SCALP EVERY HALF AN HOUR.

KEEP HIM AWAY FROM OPEN FLAMES AND PREGNANT WOMEN.

AH, THESE SHOULD HELP THOSE FALLEN ARCHES. ENJOY.

HMM. THROAT LOOKS A LITTLE RED.

I'D BETTER SPRAY IT. [ Coughing ]

[ Altered Voice ] OH, THANKS, NICE LADY.

MY VOICE IS CRAZY WITH THIS SPRAYING ALREADY.

OY, I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER, MR. MEDICAL SCIENCE-TYPE PERSON.

IF THEY HIRE A WOMAN, WE WON'T BE ABLE TO SPIT ON THE FLOOR.

AND WE CAN'T TAKE OFF OUR PANTS WHEN IT GETS REAL HOT.

AND WE WON'T BE ABLE TO PEE IN THE DRINKING FOUNTAIN.

YEAH-- I MEAN, THAT--

YOU KNOW, IF WE WANTED TO. NOT THAT I EVER DID.

GENTLEMEN, I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET YOUR NEW COWORKER, MINDY SIMMONS.

I THINK SHE HAS A DEGREE IN ENGINEERING OR SOMETHING.

HI. HOW'S IT GOING? PLEASED TO MEET YOU.

YEAH, DITTO. HI. OOH.

[ Gasps ]

HOMER, WHAT'S THE MATTER?

AIN'T YOU NEVER SEEN A NAKED CHICK RIDIN' A CLAM BEFORE?

GOTTA GO! AHHH!

WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?

I PROBABLY SHOULDN'T HAVE EATEN THAT PACKET OF POWDERED GRAVY I FOUND IN THE PARKING LOT.

[ Both ] NICE GLASSES, FOUR EYES. [ Laugh ]

YEAH, NICE SHOES, UH, TWO FEET. YEAH.

YOUR APPEARANCE IS COMICAL TO ME. [ Kids Laughing ]

[ Gasps ] I'M A NERD!

[ Gasps ] SO AM I!

YEAH. ANOTHER DAY, ANOTHER BOX OF STOLEN PENS.

- HAVE A GOOD NIGHT, HOMER. - YOU TOO.

NO GOOSE BUMPS, NO HALLUCINATIONS.

THAT LAST TIME WAS JUST A FLUKE.

♪ [ Whistling ] [ Tires Screeching, Horns Honking ]

[ People Shouting ]

[ Homer Shouting ]

[ Fish ] HOMER LOVES MINDY! HOMER LOVES MINDY!

HEY, HOMER, YOU'RE HALLUCINATING AGAIN.

NOT A GOOD SIGN.

SO, UH, WHAT DO YOU GUYS THINK OF MINDY?

SEEMS OKAY. ANYBODY SEE THE GAME LAST NIGHT?

YEAH. THAT MINDY SEEMS REAL NICE.

HOMER, WHAT'S WITH YOU? YOU'RE TALKING DURING A COFFEE BREAK.

YEAH. USUALLY YOU JUST TAKE THE BOX OF DOUGHNUTS INTO THE BATHROOM.

MINDY HAS A MOTORCYCLE.

LOOK, EVERYBODY. I'M THE SAME PERSON I ALWAYS WAS. WHOA!

- [ Shouting ] - [ Kids Screaming ]

[ Grunting ] [ Kids Laughing ]

HEY, HE'S LEARNING ON HIS OWN! GET HIM!

[ All Grunting ]

MOE, I NEED YOUR ADVICE. YEAH?

SEE, I GOT THIS FRIEND NAMED JOEY JO-JO JUNIOR SHABADOO.

THAT'S THE WORST NAME I EVER HEARD. [ Sobbing ]

BYE, JOEY JO-JO! OH, WHAT THE HELL? IT'S ME.

I'M ATTRACTED TO ANOTHER WOMAN. WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?

YOUR INFATUATION IS BASED ON A PHYSICAL ATTRACTION.

TALK TO THE WOMAN AND YOU'LL REALIZE YOU HAVE NOTHING IN COMMON.

BARNEY, THAT IS SO INSIGHTFUL. HOW DID YOU COME UP WITH THAT?

IT WAS ON ONE OF THESE BAR NAPKINS.

[ Whimpers ]

UH-- SO, LET'S HAVE A CONVERSATION.

UH, I THINK WE'LL FIND WE HAVE VERY LITTLE IN COMMON.

- CAN'T TALK. EATING. - HEY, MY FAVORITE--

RASPBERRY SWIRL WITH A DOUBLE GLAZE!

DOUBLE GLAZE. [ Gurgling ]

OH! OKAY, SO WE HAVE ONE THING IN COMMON.

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT I HATE? DRINKING BEER AND WATCHING TV.

NOT ME. THAT'S MY IDEA OF HEAVEN.

- D'OH! ME TOO! - REALLY?

I CAN SEE I'M GONNA LOVE WORKING WITH YOU.

WELL, GOTTA GO.

[ Whispering ] I WANNA SNEAK IN A QUICK NAP BEFORE LUNCH.

[ Gasps ] FOUL TEMPTRESS.

I'LL BET SHE THINKS ZIGGY'S GOTTEN TOO PREACHY TOO.

[ Bell Dings ] [ Sighs ]

I MADE IT THE WHOLE DAY WITHOUT SEEING HER AGAIN.

[ Screams ] I MEAN, HELLO!

[ Chuckles ]

I GUESS WE'LL BE GOING DOWN TOGETHER.

I MEAN, GETTING OFF TOGE-- I MEAN-- THAT'S OKAY.

I'LL JUST PUSH THE BUTTON FOR THE STIMULATOR--

I MEAN, ELEVATOR.

[ Thinking ] THINK UNSEXY THOUGHTS. THINK UNSEXY THOUGHTS. THINK UNSEXY THOUGHTS.

OH, THAT'S UNSEXY.

♪ [ Humming Theme From I Dream of Jeannie ] EW!

[ Burps ]

D'OH!

[ Whispering ] THINK UNSEXY THOUGHTS. THINK UNSEXY THOUGHTS.

[ Chuckles ]

WELL, THIS IS MY FLOOR.

[ Grunting, Screaming ]

SEE YOU TOMORROW!

AH, HOME TO MY LOVING FAMILY.

WHAT MORE COULD A MAN ASK FOR?

[ Blows Nose ]

HI, HOMER. DON'T KISS ME. I'M ALL STUFFED UP.

- [ Groans ] - HI, DAD.

HI, SON! HOW ARE YOU-- EW!

DAD, LOOK. I MADE FISH STICKS.

THEY'RE BURNED ON THE OUTSIDE, BUT THEY'RE FROZEN ON THE INSIDE,

SO IT BALANCES OUT.

YEAH, GOOD.

THAT RACCOON STOLE MY LAMB CHOP!

[ TV: Indistinct ]

LET'S HAVE A LITTLE QUALITY TIME TOGETHER, JUST YOU AND ME.

[ TV Off ] OH, THAT'S SWEET. [ Sniffling ]

GUESS WHAT? THERE'S A NEW PLACE AT THE MALL...

THAT PUTS YOUR PICTURE ON A T-SHIRT.