Rosebud

Season 5 / Episode 4

0:06 - 0:09

[ Chorus ] ♪ THE SIMPSONS ♪

0:09 - 0:11

[ Tires Screeching ]

0:12 - 0:14

D'OH! [ Screams ]

0:44 - 0:48

♪ ALL WE OWN, WE OWE ♪

0:48 - 0:51

♪ ALL WE OWN, WE OWE ♪

0:51 - 0:57

- SHH! - [ Quietly ] ♪ ALL WE OWN, WE OWE ♪

0:57 - 1:00

♪ ALL WE OWN, WE OWE ♪

1:03 - 1:06

[ Shuddering, Groaning ]

1:06 - 1:09

♪ TRA LA LA LA LA LA TRA LA LA LA LA ♪

1:09 - 1:13

I AM THE HAPPIEST BOY THERE IS. AREN'T I, BOBO? MMM!

1:15 - 1:19

- HAPPY! COME HERE, HAPPY! - YES, MUMSY?

1:19 - 1:25

HAPPY, WOULD YOU LIKE TO CONTINUE LIVING WITH US, YOUR LOVING, NATURAL PARENTS,

1:25 - 1:28

OR WOULD YOU RATHER LIVE WITH THIS TWISTED, LOVELESS BILLIONAIRE?

1:30 - 1:33

LET'S ROLL.

1:33 - 1:37

WAIT! YOU FORGOT YOUR BEAR-- A SYMBOL OF YOUR LOST YOUTH AND INNOCENCE!

1:37 - 1:42

[ Sighs ] OH, WELL. AT LEAST WE STILL HAVE HIS LITTLE BROTHER, GEORGE.

1:42 - 1:46

♪ BA BA BA BUM OH, THE SUN SHINES BRIGHT ON MY OLD KENTUCKY HOME ♪

1:46 - 1:49

♪ BA BA BA BUM ♪ TRUST ME. IT'LL BE FUNNY WHEN I'M AN OLD MAN.

1:55 - 1:58

[ Muttering ]

1:58 - 2:01

I WANT MY TEDDY.

2:04 - 2:07

AH, BOBO.

2:07 - 2:10

BOBO.

2:10 - 2:12

AH! OH, IT'S YOU.

2:12 - 2:16

THE BEDPAN'S UNDER MY PILLOW. WHO'S... BOBO, SIR?

2:16 - 2:20

BOBO? [ Stammering ] I, UH, MEANT LOBO.

2:20 - 2:23

UH, SHERIFF LOBO. THEY NEVER SHOULD HAVE CANCELED THAT SHOW.

2:23 - 2:27

I SEE. ON ANOTHER TOPIC, THE PREPARATIONS FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY HAVE BEGUN.

2:27 - 2:31

- I WON'T GET WHAT I REALLY WANT. - NO ONE DOES.

2:31 - 2:36

♪ HAPPY BIRTHDAY MR. SMITHERS ♪

2:36 - 2:38

MMM.

2:38 - 2:43

LOBO. LOBO. BRING BACK SHERIFF LOBO!

2:43 - 2:46

LOBO! LOBO! [ Screams ]

2:46 - 2:50

- WHAT, HOMIE? - OH, NO! BURNS'S BIRTHDAY!

2:50 - 2:53

WHAT'S WRONG? EVERY TIME MR. BURNS HAS A BIRTHDAY,

2:53 - 2:56

ALL HIS EMPLOYEES HAVE TO HELP OUT AT THE PARTY,

2:56 - 2:59

AND I ALWAYS GET SOME TERRIBLE JOB.

2:60 - 3:02

WHERE IS THAT DREADED PIÑATA?

3:02 - 3:06

OW! OW! OW! MISSED ME. HEH-HEH! OW!

3:06 - 3:08

HMM!

3:08 - 3:11

- [ Laughter ] - [ Grunting ]

3:14 - 3:17

NOT FUNNY. AND THE ONE IN MY PANTS REALLY HURTS.

3:20 - 3:23

THAT MAN WHO'S GETTING ALL THOSE LAUGHS, SMITHERS-- WHO IS HE?

3:23 - 3:25

HOMER SIMPSON, SIR, ONE OF THE CARBON BLOBS FROM SECTOR 7G.

3:25 - 3:30

BUT I DON'T THINK THAT-- I WANT THIS SIMPSON FELLOW TO PERFORM COMEDY AT MY PARTY.

3:30 - 3:33

I MUST HARNESS HIS FRACTURED TAKE ON MODERN LIFE.

3:33 - 3:37

FINE, SIR. I'LL GET HIM STARTED ON SOME SNAPPY SINBAD-ESQUE MATERIAL.

3:37 - 3:40

[ Laughing ]

3:40 - 3:44

I'M SO FUNNY. THIS IS GONNA BE GREAT. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

3:44 - 3:48

I'M WRITING A DELICIOUS SEND-UP OF MR. BURNS FOR HIS BIRTHDAY PARTY.

3:48 - 3:51

IS "POO POO" ONE WORD OR TWO? [ Laughs ] [ Laughs ]

3:51 - 3:55

I DON'T THINK IT'S A GOOD IDEA TO HUMILIATE YOUR BOSS ON HIS BIRTHDAY.

3:55 - 3:59

ACTUALLY, MOM, A TWEAKING OF MR. BURNS'S FOIBLES, IF DONE WITH THE GREATEST OF CARE,

3:59 - 4:02

COULD EARN DAD A SPECIAL PLACE IN THE OLD MAN'S HEART.

4:02 - 4:06

WELL, I ALSO DO A DELIGHTFUL IMPRESSION OF HIM. [ Chuckling ]

4:06 - 4:11

I PAINT A FROWNY FACE ON MY BUTT AND PULL DOWN MY PANTS!

4:11 - 4:13

[ Both Laughing ] YEAH!

4:13 - 4:16

[ Both Groaning ]

4:20 - 4:24

NOW, I'M NOT SAYING MR. BURNS IS INCONTINENT--

4:24 - 4:27

[ Laughing] INCONTINENT! [ Laughing ]

4:27 - 4:30

TOO RICH. DOES EITHER OF YOU KNOW WHAT "INCONTINENT" MEANS?

4:30 - 4:33

LISA, DON'T SPOIL OUR FUN. COME ON, DEAR. IT'S TIME TO GO.

4:33 - 4:35

OKAY, STUPID!

4:35 - 4:38

HOMER, YOU'VE GOT TO STOP INSULTING EVERYONE, ESPECIALLY YOUR BOSS.

4:38 - 4:41

MARGE, THE COMEDY ROAST IS AN AMERICAN TRADITION.

4:41 - 4:45

IT'S WHAT GIVES US THE FREEDOM TO CRITICIZE OUR SOCIAL BETTERS.

4:45 - 4:48

HEY, FLANDERS! YOU SMELL LIKE MANURE!

4:48 - 4:52

UH-OH. BETTER CANCEL THAT DINNER PARTY TONIGHT. THANKS FOR THE NOSE NEWS, NEIGHBOR!

4:52 - 4:54

[ All Grumbling ]

5:00 - 5:03

HEY! NO ONE-TERMERS. AH!

5:03 - 5:06

YOU TOO, HUH? HEY, I KNOW A GOOD YOGURT PLACE.

5:06 - 5:08

GET AWAY FROM ME, LOSER.

5:08 - 5:12

[ Smithers On P.A. ] LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I GIVE YOU "MONTGOMERY BURNS--

5:12 - 5:14

A LIFE." [ Applause ]

5:24 - 5:27

OH, BOBO. HMM.

5:27 - 5:32

[ Applause ] HERE ARE SEVERAL FINE YOUNG MEN WHO I'M SURE ARE GONNA GO FAR.

5:32 - 5:34

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE RAMONES. [ Applause ]

5:34 - 5:38

AH, THESE MINSTRELS WILL SOOTHE MY JANGLED NERVES.

5:38 - 5:42

I'D JUST LIKE TO SAY THIS GIG SUCKS! HEY, UP YOURS, SPRINGFIELD!

5:42 - 5:45

ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR!

5:48 - 5:51

- ♪ HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU ♪ - ♪ HAPPY BIRTHDAY ♪

5:51 - 5:54

- ♪ HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU ♪ - ♪ HAPPY BIRTHDAY ♪

5:54 - 5:56

♪ HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BURNSIE ♪

5:56 - 5:59

♪ HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU ♪

5:59 - 6:01

[ Applause ] GO TO HELL, YOU OLD BASTARD.

6:01 - 6:03

HEY, I THINK THEY LIKED US.

6:03 - 6:05

HAVE THE ROLLING STONES KILLED.

6:05 - 6:08

OH, SIR, THOSE AREN'T-- DO AS I SAY!

6:09 - 6:12

[ Burns Scoffs ] STINKS. PIFFLE.

6:12 - 6:15

DUSTBUSTER? YECH!

6:15 - 6:18

- [ Groans ] - SIR, I'VE ARRANGED FOR THE PEOPLE OF AUSTRALIA...

6:18 - 6:21

TO JOIN HANDS TONIGHT AND SPELL OUT YOUR NAME WITH CANDLES.

6:21 - 6:24

THERE'S A SATELLITE HOOKUP ON THAT MONITOR. IF YOU'LL JUST TURN YOUR HEAD SLIGHTLY--

6:24 - 6:26

BAH! NO TIME. NEXT!

6:28 - 6:30

I HAVE SOME SAD NEWS TO REPORT.

6:30 - 6:34

A SMALL PUPPY, NOT UNLIKE LASSIE, WAS JUST RUN OVER IN THE PARKING LOT.

6:34 - 6:38

- [ All Gasp ] - NOW IT'S TIME FOR THE COMEDY STYLINGS OF HOMER SIMPSON!

6:40 - 6:45

- ARE YOU READY TO LAUGH? - OH, THAT POOR DOG.

6:45 - 6:49

I SAID, "ARE YOU READY TO LAUGH?"

6:49 - 6:52

QUIET, YOU AWFUL MAN.

6:52 - 6:55

- YOU KNOW, MR. BURNS IS SO CHEAP-- - WHAT?

6:55 - 6:60

I JU-- I MEAN, YOU KNOW, MR. BURNS IS SO OLD--

6:60 - 7:02

- HOW DARE YOU! - WHOO-HOO.

7:02 - 7:05

TOUGH CROWD. BETTER BRING OUT THE BIG GUNS. [ Clears Throat ]

7:05 - 7:11

HERE'S AN IMPRESSION OF MR. BURNS THAT YOU MIGHT FIND A LITTLE CHEEKY.

7:11 - 7:14

[ All Gasp ] I'M MR. BURNS.

7:14 - 7:18

BLAH, BLAH, BLAH. DO THIS, DO THAT.

7:18 - 7:22

BLAH, BLAH, BLAH. I THINK I'M SO BIG. BLAH, BLAH, BLAH!

7:22 - 7:26

- DESTROY HIM. - BLAH, BLAH, BLAH. LOOK AT ME-- OW!

7:26 - 7:28

THIS PARTY IS OVER.

7:30 - 7:32

[ Guests Screaming ]

7:34 - 7:38

OWW! WHERE DID I LOSE 'EM?

7:38 - 7:41

I'LL NEVER WIGGLE MY BARE BUTT IN PUBLIC AGAIN.

7:41 - 7:45

I'D LIKE TO BELIEVE THAT THIS TIME. I REALLY WOULD.

7:45 - 7:48

BART, RUN DOWN TO THE STORE AND GET A BIG BAG OF ICE FOR YOUR FATHER.

7:48 - 7:50

YES'M. DAD, I KNOW YOU'RE DISCOURAGED,

7:50 - 7:54

BUT, PLEASE, DON'T DENY THE WORLD YOUR FAT CAN. DON'T WORRY, BOY.

7:54 - 7:58

[ Patting ] SHE'LL BE READY FOR YOUR AUNT SELMA'S BIRTHDAY.

7:58 - 8:00

- I KNEW IT. - [ Burns Groans ]

8:00 - 8:04

LOOK AT ALL THE WONDERFUL THINGS YOU HAVE, MR. BURNS: KING ARTHUR'S EXCALIBUR;

8:04 - 8:06

THE ONLY EXISTING NUDE PHOTO OF MARK TWAIN;

8:06 - 8:09

AND THAT RARE FIRST DRAFT OF THE CONSTITUTION WITH THE WORD "SUCKERS" IN IT.

8:09 - 8:12

YES, YES, YES. SO WHAT? YOU WANT YOUR BEAR, BOBO, DON'T YOU?

8:12 - 8:16

LIAR! I'LL GIVE YOU THE THRASHING OF A LIFETIME!

8:16 - 8:19

[ Groaning ]

8:19 - 8:21

RESISTANCE IS FUTILE.

8:21 - 8:26

[ Grunts, Sighs ] OH, GOD, HOW I WANT MY BEAR.

8:26 - 8:28

BUT HE'S GONE-- GONE FOREVER.

8:28 - 8:31

I'D GIVE ANYTHING TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM.

8:44 - 8:47

WHY, PUT SOME GREASE IN YOUR GARTER, LINDY! YOU'RE LATE!

8:51 - 8:54

[ Crowd Cheering ]

8:58 - 9:00

[ Bomb Whistles, Explodes ] [ Groans ]

9:00 - 9:03

THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT! [ Grunts ]

9:08 - 9:10

[ Men Grunting ]

9:13 - 9:16

YOU GOTTA START SELLING THIS FOR MORE THAN A DOLLAR A BAG.

9:16 - 9:18

WE LOST FOUR MORE MEN ON THIS EXPEDITION.

9:18 - 9:21

IF YOU CAN THINK OF A BETTER WAY TO GET ICE, I'D LIKE TO HEAR IT.

9:21 - 9:23

YEAH. HE'S GOT US THERE. BEATS ME.

9:26 - 9:29

HEY, APU, THIS BAG OF ICE HAS A HEAD IN IT.

9:29 - 9:31

OOH, A HEAD BAG!

9:31 - 9:36

THOSE ARE CHOCK-FULL OF... HEADY GOODNESS.

9:37 - 9:41

HEY, IT'S A TEDDY BEAR! [ Sniffing ] EW, GROSS.

9:41 - 9:44

IT'S PROBABLY DISEASED OR SOMETHING. HERE, MAGGIE.

9:46 - 9:48

♪ [ Dramatic Chord, Needle Scratches Record ]

9:50 - 9:52

♪ [ Needle Crackles On Record, Dramatic Chord ]

9:56 - 9:58

[ Approaching Footsteps ]

9:58 - 10:01

[ Smithers ] HERE'S SOMETHING THAT SHOULD CHEER YOU UP, SIR.

10:01 - 10:03

IT'S ME, SIR-- BOBO.

10:03 - 10:06

HUG ME. SQUEEZE ME. TUG AT MY FUR.

10:06 - 10:09

[ Growls ] ENOUGH! STOP THIS GROTESQUE CHARADE.

10:09 - 10:14

NOW, FIND MY TEDDY. OH, AND, UH, LEAVE THE COSTUME.

10:20 - 10:25

THE BURNS BEAR, PERHAPS THE MOST VALUABLE "WITTLE" BEAR IN THE WORLD, COULD BE ANYWHERE.

10:25 - 10:30

IT COULD BE IN YOUR HOUSE. YOU COULD BE LOOKING AT IT RIGHT NOW.

10:30 - 10:33

IT COULD BE RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOUR FACE AS I'M SAYING THIS WAGGLING BACK AND FORTH,

10:33 - 10:38

-PERHAPS BEING HELD UP BY A LOVED ONE. -MAGGIE, I'M TRYING TO WATCH TV.

10:38 - 10:41

PUT THAT MOLDY, OLD BEAR DOWN.

10:41 - 10:46

MOLDY? OLD? I'M GONNA GET SOMETHING TO EAT!

10:46 - 10:49

WELL, IT'S NOT YOUR ORIGINAL BEAR, OF COURSE, HEY.

10:49 - 10:53

BUT IT IS PROGRAMMED TO BE JUST AS CUDDLY. AH, DOGGONE IT. [ Beeping ]

10:53 - 10:57

- [ Mechanical Growl ] - IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE... DOING A LITTLE DANCE.

10:57 - 10:59

HEH! EH! OOH! GET THE BEAR OFF!

10:59 - 11:02

I GOT HIM. [ Grunts ] TRYIN' TO... TURN IT OFF.

11:02 - 11:04

NO. BEAR WANT TO LIVE.

11:06 - 11:09

[ Growling ]

11:09 - 11:11

♪ [ Choir Vocalizing ]

11:14 - 11:18

UH! HUH! UH!

11:19 - 11:23

[ Panicked Yelling, Shouting ] D'OH! SON OF A--