( bell ringing)

( whistle blowing)

( playing the blues)

( screams )

Hello, I'm Kent Brockman, and this is Eye on Springfield.

( rock and roll instrumental theme playing)

Wow. Info-tainment.

Tonight

we salute the silver anniversary

of The Great Springfield Tire Yard Fire.

25 years and still burning strong.

We watch Springfield's oldest man

meet Springfield's fattest man.

He's not so fat.

And we visit

with heavyweight champion Dredrick Tatum

who reminisces about growing up in Springfield.

That town was a dump.

If you ever see me there, you know I really ( bleeped) up bad.

But first, part seven of our eye-opening look

at the bikini.

( rock and roll instrumental)

Whoa-- T and A!

Bart, why are you still up?

Lisa's slumber party.

Who can sleep with those five evil hens

cackling and plotting against me?

They've got better things to talk about than you.

Sheesh, what an ego.

Lisa, your brother is so gross.

You should smell his room.

( giggling)

Now remember, Wanda, whatever shape the wax takes

that's what your husband's job will be.

It's a mop.

My husband will be a janitor.

That looks like an Olympic torch to me.

Your husband could be an Olympic athlete

who will go on to have a great acting career.

It's a dustpan.

The wax never lies.

Girl: Let's play Truth or Dare.

Truth or Dare! Truth or Dare!

I'll take... dare.

I dare you to...

kiss Lisa's brother.

All: Eww!!

( humming)

What the..?

Aaaaahh!

I'm telling Mom and dad.

You're telling who?

Both: Mom and dad.

Girls: Jinx!

♪ Now you can't talk till somebody says your name. ♪

( giggling)

Coming up next: an elephant who never forgets...

to brush!

What is it, boy?

( grunting)

Is anything the matter, my son?

Talk to me, young man.

( grunts)

Say your name?

Why should I do that, my lad?

Because I'm jinxed, damn it!... ow!

What was that for?

You spoke while you were jinxed

so I get to punch you in the arm.

Sorry, it's the law.

( girls giggling)

There he is.

Let's give him a make-over.

Run for it, boy!

( chase music playing)

Get him! Get him! Get him!

( grunting)

( whirring)

( whirring)

Aaaaahh!

( gulps)

Oof!

Come here, Maggie.

Huh?!

That's it, I'm out of here.

Hiya, Homer.

( sighing)

What's the matter, Moe?

Oh, business is slow.

People today are healthier and drinking less.

You know, if it wasn't for the junior high school next door

no one would even use the cigarette machine.

Yeah, things are tough all over.

Increased job satisfaction and family togetherness

are poison for a purveyor of mind-numbing intoxicants like myself.

Can I get a beer?

Yeah, sure.

Oh, sorry.

I forgot we're out of beer.

Aahh!

I know. I got behind

on my beer payments.

The distributor cut me off

and I spent my last ten grand on the Love Tester.

( slurping)

You're too late, Homer.

Barney sucked it dry.

Cut his gums up pretty bad.

Ohh!

Take it easy, Homer.

I learned how to make other drinks at Bartender's school.

Gin and... tonic?

Do they mix?

Hey, I know a good drink.

Really hits the spot.

I invented it myself.

One night, Marge's beastly sisters

were showing slides from their latest vacation.

And this is Patty

trying to plug her leg razor

into one of those ungodly Czechoslovakian outlets.

As you can see, we never did get the hang of it.

Ay, caramba!

As I stared up at that hairy yellow drumstick

I knew I needed a drink.

Patty, Selma, would you excuse me for a moment?

If you're going for a beer, this is the last one.

D-ohhh!

I decided to mix

the little bits in every liquor bottle.

In my haste

I had grabbed a bottle of the kids' cough syrup.

It passed the first test--

I didn't go blind.

They say everyone can float in the Dead Sea

but Selma sank right to the bottom.

Homer: Huh?!

I don't know the scientific explanation

but fire made it good.

Sounds like one hell of a drink.

What do you call it?

A Flaming Homer.

Okay. Why don't you make us up

a couple of Flaming Homers?

You got any cough syrup?

Let me check the lost and found. What do we got here?

Bowie knife, troll doll...

glass eye...

( shattering)

Oh, here we are.

It's not without it's charm.

Try lighting it on fire.

Hmm?!

Wow!

Homer, it's like there's a party in my mouth

and everyone's invited.

Hey, your Love Tester's busted.

I want my nickel back.

( coughing)

Hey, buddy, have one on the house.

Hey, this drink is delicious

and my phlegm feels looser.

What do you call it?

Well, it's called a Flaming...

...Moe!

It's called a Flaming Moe.

That's right, a Flaming Moe.

My name is Moe, and I invented it. That's why it's called a Flaming Moe.

What? What are you looking at, Homer?

It's a Flaming Moe. I'm Moe.

Oh! Oh!

Hey, what's this?

A sneeze guard.

( sneezes)

Wow, it really works!

Moe, I haven't seen the place this crowded

since the government cracked down on you

for accepting food stamps. Do you think my drink has something to do with it?

Who can say? It's probably a combination of things.

Another pitcher of those amazing Flaming Moes.

I hate this joint, but I love that drink.

Ohhh.

Barkeep, I couldn't help noticing your sign.

The one that says "Bartenders do it 'til you barf"?

No. Above that store-bought drollery.

Oh, great. Why don't we fill out an application.

I'll need your name, measurements, and turn-ons.

You really expect me to tell you my measurements?

You could, but I find this way

is much more accurate, and fun.

Ugh! What do you offer in the way of salary?

Minimum wage and tips.

Of course, there are fringe benefits.

Such as?

An unforgettable weekend

at Club Moe.

I'd prefer to take my vacation someplace hot.

Whoo! Ha-ha!

Ow! Whoo!

I like your moxie, kid.

You're hired.

You shan't regret this.

Me thinks I shan't.

Pardon me, are you the genius behind the Flaming Moe?

Why yes, I... I'm your man.

Uh-huh. My name's Harv Bannister. I work for Tipsy McStagger's

Good Time Drinking and Eating Emporium.

Oh, yeah? Hey, what's Mr. McStagger really like?

Actually, there is no Tipsy McStagger. He's just a composite

of other successful logos.

Well, you tell him for me

that he makes one great mozzarella stick.

Yes, fine, I will.

Anyway, I've got a proposition for you.

Keep talking.

We feel your Flaming Moe is perfect for our restaurant chain.

We want to buy the recipe.

No dice. The Flaming Moe is not for sale.

Do you know how much of my blood and sweat

are in this drink?

Uh... figure of speech.

Sorry, Harv.

( chuckles)

I'll be back.

Good for you, Moe.

Only an idiot would give away

a million-dollar idea like that.

Ohhh.

Martin: So the next time you use

a gas chromatograph

remember to thank Mr. A.J.P. Morton.

Brilliant, Martin. Brilliant.

Once again you've wrecked the grading curve.

I pity the student who has to follow you.

Bart Simpson, you're next.

"The Inventor I Admire" by Bart Simpson.

The inventor I admire is not a rich man

or a famous man, or even a smart man.

He's my father, Homer Simpson

creator of... ♪ dun-da-da-dah ♪

the Flaming Homer!

The Flaming Homer?

You mean the Flaming Moe

and your dad didn't invent it, you wuss.

Moe the Bartender did.

Yes, everyone knows that.

It's not true.

My father invented that drink.

and if you'll allow me to demonstrate.

Bart, are those liquor bottles?

I brought enough for everybody.

Take those to the teachers' lounge.

You can have what's left at the end of the day.

( jazzy rock music playing)

( crowd talking)

Hey, Bernard!

Good evening, Krusty.

Nice to see you, Bernard.

Thank you very much. Right this way.

Krusty, over here! Krusty, one more!

( jazzy rock music continues)

Henceforth, this date shall forever be known

as Flaming Moe's Day.

Sir, this is already Veteran's Day.

It can be two things.

Mom, instead of milk for dinner, can I have a Virgin Moe?

( growling)

Honey, what's wrong?

I'll tell you what's wrong.

That rotten Moe is getting rich off a recipe I gave him.

( whistling)

Take that off this second.

Okay.

Homey, why don't you just go down to Moe's

and talk to him?

I bet he'd be willing to share some of his success with you.

Nah.

Marge, I'm too upset to eat.

I think I'll go to Moe's.

D-ohh!

( crowd buzzing)

Oh!

Hey!

Can I help you, sir?

I need to talk to Moe.

Your name's not on the list.

I didn't even tell you my name.

- Okay, what's your name? - Homer Simpson.

- Not on the list. - But.

We're all filled up.

File off!

Ladies and gentlemen, some new buddies of mine stopped by tonight.

Maybe we can get them to come up here.

How about a warm Flaming Moe's welcome for...

Aerosmith!

( girls squeal)

Nah. We're just hanging out.

Come on. Free pickled eggs.

All right! Yeah!

Hello, St. Louis!

That's Springfield, Steven.

Oh, yeah. Right.

Are you ready to rock?

All: Yeah!

I said, are you ready to rock!

All: Yeah!

Hit it!

( playing intro to "Walk This Way")

♪ Backstroke lover, I was hiding 'neath the covers ♪

♪ You was talkin' to your daddy and sayin' ♪

♪ Said you ain't seen nothin' till you're down on the muffin ♪

♪ Then you're sure to be a-changin' your way ♪

♪ I met a cheerleader was a real young breeder ♪

♪ All the times I can reminisce ♪

♪ 'Cause the best things of lovin' ♪

♪ was a sister and a cousin ♪

♪ Only started with a little kiss ♪

♪ like this...♪

( grunting)

Barney?

Hi, Homer.

I want you to meet my friends

Armando and Raffi.

( grumbling)

♪ ...So I took a big chance at the high school dance ♪

♪ With a missy who was ready to play... ♪

Hey, Moe, come on. Get up here.

♪ And I know that love was here to stay ♪

♪ She told me to ♪

♪ Walk this way ♪ ♪ walk this way ♪

♪ Walk this way ♪

♪ Walk this way ♪ ♪ walk this way ♪

♪ Walk this way. ♪

( audience cheering)

Hiya, scrumptious. Do you want to ignite my drink?

You're my kid's teacher.

Single parent, are we?

No.

Well, let's pretend you are.

Get away from me.

Hey, Moe!

Oh hi Homer, how about a beer?

I'd rather have a Flaming Homer.

A what?

Oh, I get it.

How could you do this to me, Moe?

This bar was going under, and it was the drink I invented that saved it.

If there was any justice, my face would be on a bunch of crappy merchandise.

Morris, is what this man saying true?

It's hard to say.

He may have come up with the recipe

but I came up with the idea

of charging $6.95 for it.

( phone rings)

Uh-- telephone.

Flaming Moe's.

Yes, I'm looking for a friend of mine.

Last name: Jazz. First name: Hugh.

Hold on. I'll check.

Huge ass?

Somebody check the men's room for a huge ass.

I'm Hugh Jazz.

Telephone.

Hello, this is Hugh Jazz.

Uh... hi.

Who's this?

Bart Simpson.

What can I do for you. Bart?

Look, I'll level with you mister. This is a crank call that sorta backfired

and I'd like to bail out right now.

Alright. Better luck next time.

What a nice young man.

Homer, I'm sorry you're mad at me, but this isn't personal.

This is business.

Business, eh?

Well, let me tell you something. You just lost yourself a customer.

What? I'm sorry. Homer, I couldn't hear you.

I said, you just lost yourself a customer!

What? You just lost a customer!

You'll have to speak up.

You just lost yourself a customer, Moe!

I forced myself to what?

You just lost yourself a customer!

Homer, I'll talk to ya' tomorrow.

You just lost yourself a customer!

Yeah, you can use it.

( crowd shouting drink orders)